LB=light body

3.12.12-Day 29-Monday I have received incredible feedback from everyONE.  From everything I have observed, experienced and chosen, I feel it is time for us to be our own science projects, or our own art project.  A life changing conversation I had with Chelah about two years ago she explained that you can look at everyone as an art project, you know projects as you walk through the gallery you want to check out a little longer, maybe even take them home with you:) some projects maybe you pass right by and know it's not for you, some maybe you can take a piece of their corner that you like and add it to yourSELF, your own art project.  In looking at people like that it gets much easier to relate and acknowledge the choice we have...in everything.  Some of the feedback I experienced was more of a wary nature, as far as the body is concerned.  Some responses were on the line of, I hope Ashley isn't getting too caught up in her body, it's not all about the body and she has always been beautiful.  My first reaction to this was defensive, as far as, if you know me, you know the changes I have made are not limited to my physical being.  That being said, I believe if we weren't meant to learn from our bodies we would just be spirits floating around.  Even more bluntly, we are here in a body, and so let's use it.  In practicing yoga, I spent many hours, many classes many moments taking in knowledge, philosophy, wisdom and from Kristyan, Jano and Mark.  They showed me the gentle side of men again who can be into service for feminine greater good.  As they taught, I progressed...I literally saw progression in my body first, because for me as I said in the beginning of this thing, it's been a battle.  Yoga was the first thing I did where I started craving health.  I have played every sport, from roller hockey, softball, soccer, basketball, Shotput/discus, volleyball, waterpolo, Lacrosse and so on, broke many a bones.  Just in my hands alone I have broken or jammed every finger except for my right thumb at least one time.  My hip surgery in sixth grade I've mentioned, broken my right ankle twice, broken my right wrist, and fractured a vertebrae to top it off.  Through all the sports, all the coaches, all the teams, all the injuries, never was I shown body awareness and how to honor my body as I have been led to through my teachers.  In the yoga room I progressed through my teachers mind with my body, outside the yoga room, I progressed through my heart with my LIFE.  Whether you are an art project or science project, let it be your own.  For life we have let others experiment with us based on their studies and what has happened when they give someone else this amount of pills it will do this.  Instead of taking space, and remembering, as my guru said in one of the first classes I ever took with him, "These are the hips, they're happy to meet you, hopefully these are your only set this lifetime and you don't have to get metal."   The thing with taking a pill or putting something into me that is not of mySelf is, I am me, my body is mine, it may react differently to something than yours does.  I don't know anything, but what I do know is I am not a nutritionist of anybody else, I am not a doctor of anybody else, I have merely grown to learn how to love myself and that is what I am offering to share with you.  Just for one moment think about the idea that we are "supposed" to drink 8-10 glasses of water a day....That is nuuuuuts how could 8-10 glasses of water a day be prescribed for everyone?  It's supposed to hydrate my father that is 6'5" and my student that is 4'11".  Why not listen to your body?  Investigate, when you go pee, is it dark?  You probably need more water...are you getting headaches?  If your body is already showing physical signs of dehydration such as that, then it was dehydrated a long time before the moment your headache started, and then what are you going to do, take some advil which has who knows what kind of side effects.  When you could have just imputed more water because you are obviously outputting more than 8-10 glasses a day.  And it may change from day to day, and that's okay too!  Guess what, somedays I do 6 hours of yoga between teaching and training and practicing, I may need a little bit more water on those days then when I am hanging around doing less active projects.

So on to my food today, in case you're wondering:) what in the world does Ashley get when she is offered food from the mexican taco shop?  Well, the old old me: carne asada fries, the old me: bean and guac burrito, the newer me: vegetarian burrito, and the right now me: anything I can add to my salad, in this case; Spicy carrots, guacamole and salsa.

Spicy carrots have always been my favorite! Guacamole, if you are interested in cutting animal products out make sure you ask if they put sour cream or mayo in their guac, sometimes its added to make it stay greener longer...unneccesary.

pine nuts oh my they are officially going on everything!  or as katt williams says, everrrrrrrrrrrry thang

i and mom

my baby bros and I soaking solar power. a completely necessary part of my transformation as well.

I also met my new lover tonight, Spencer:

So I've spoken about this addictive personality thing I've got going on. I feel it's time to use it.  I've been able to connect to my feminine lineage a lot easier with the help of Cory (once again if you don't know Cory, www.wisdomfromhome.com is where you can visit her online or at the school in person if youre more into that.)  My mom and grandmother taught me how to sew when I was younger.  My mom made all of her own clothes, my grandma Geneva was one of those that could sew anything she saw.  Kind of like an instrument, some people can play by ear and some people have to read music.  In sewing, some can create by sight, and others have to use patterns.  I feel I am my grandmother's granddaughter and have been wanting to get intouch with our sewing machines for quite sometime now.  Months ago I asked Kish if we could put one in the studio but I never did the follow through and it never happened(the old me tended to do this often as well, big ideas and then no action, or too late of action=self sabotage) So we now in recent times were talking about sewing some projects for Kish's artshow coming at the end of the month and I felt it perfect timing to finally act on what I had already asked permission for, especially since I was having some time on my hands.  I feel everything can really be replaced, like I would rather sit at home and hang out with my cat and sew then go get wasted on alcohol or heroin.....I dunno about you but I'll choose being the creepy cat lady and sew you whatever you need anytime! My mom offered to get us a machine for the studio instead of taking hers or my grandmothers because they have personality defects heehee.  So came Spencer!  Me and my mom beamed off, I got soooo stoked we got everything!  I was so happy coming home and imaging all the things I could create.  For awhile now I have wanted to stop buying clothes since I tend to create my own interesting pieces with what I have anyway.  When I was younger I used to do this because there never was my size.  I was taller than my teacher from fifth grade on and there were never any boys taller than I till I got into tenth grade.  Along with the height, I packed on thickness as well, eating away my emotions since then.  Well when it came to buying clothes I absolutely hated shopping, nothing ever fit and it always just took me deeper and made me more hopeless so I ate more instead of solving the emotions I was feeling due to all the stuff that was going on in my family unit around me.  So I used to get things because they fit, not because I liked the clothes or because they felt good or went with me, I got them because I could zip them up, or because they went past my ankles, or was long enough and loose enough to hide my stomach that I already hated when I was only in middle school.  I remember when I first got to 150lbs, I was sitting on the lunch tables in elementary school....and all the other girls, not one of them was over even 100 lbs....and so my contract with myself as a "big girl" began, until recently I actively changed my way of thinking that I am a light being and I deserve to be happy no matter how badly I may have been hurt in the past when I was feeling good.  I now know I can choose to feel good, I can choose to feel happy and I can make choices when I eat that represent my light body the new contract I made with myself instead of drowning myself in toxic food death because of what I was told when I was younger and never got through till now. Read the Four Agreements...like today.

3.13.12 30 Tuesday honoring the truth. Longlong day. Impeccable with your word.  Back to the four agreements, I got into a pretty heated discussion last night with my little brother. He made a comment about my sewing something to the effect of, oh well see how long this lasts for.  I felt him totally take my stoke and stomp on it.  Now I could have said nothing and let it go past me again since this was the second time he made this comment, however I chose to go head on into him.  We ended up having one of the most honest loving conversations of our lives.  I told him that I want what I deserve now, from him as my brother and from everyone.  I explained that I was truly working to be impeccable with my word and for me that meant the intention behind a word as well.  As I cut out my defense mechanisms, such as comedy for example when really I am speaking truth, yet I say it in a funny way to leave myself an out in case it hits wrong, I have learned to either say what I feel at the time or I don't put myself around people whom don't appreciate taking in truth or outputting truth.  This is still very much a work in progress.  As it seems little lies, exaggerations are everywhere in people throughout my energy field.  One thing I learned in jail when I was kicking heroin....it starts with the Self.  Be honest with self and nothing else matters because if you are honest with yourself then you keep your intentions in mind and it's not possible to hurt anyone or necessary to ever apologize again.

I eat at night....is that the best option?....depending on when you probably sleep, no however sometimes  I choose it for the moment and it's fantastic.  This is some amazing mostly organic veggies my bros gf cooked on top of rice...there is butter in the veggies.....so here we go, Ashley I thought you said you were vegan...No, I say "I love animals, so I stay away from animal products as much as possible"  Ashley, I thought you were a raw foodist. My response, "I am alive, therefore I would like to put the same into my system, Life, as much as possible" Ashley some of those veggies aren't organic. my response, "I eat organic because I don't like to eat poison, as much as possible thank you"  All that being said, the true order in my heart if you're interested, Vegan, Organic and then Raw...if I am being given something out of pure love and that I feel has love in it, then that to me outweighs any rule ever...because I care about myself enough know to make that executive decision for my highest self, I also don't use it as an excuse to go completely overboard and eat crazy shit "because I felt like it" do your homework on what "as much as possible" truly means for your body and your intentions, not mine and all of us will be good!

I tend to eat bowls of cacao bigger than my head.  It's really not that big just the camera angle:)  I have started this new thing while I cook to also make chocolate mousse or some sort of chocolate because I feel my cravings for everything else get into balance as long as I have chocolate.  And once again Cacao is way different than the normal chocolate eaters chocolate so do your research and find out what your body is truly craving so instead of eating 20 candy bars that have thousand of grams of sugar and unnecessary dairy, you can have a bowl of cacao everyday and be guiltfree & HAPPPPPPY.

3.14.12-does loyalty exist? day 31.  Water water water in the morning, the best thing to get your system going if you are just starting out, drink some water in the morning, by some I mean like a lot and when you drink it, become conscious of the type of water and the container it is in, but first, at least start to drink water.  When I used to go on the atkins diet every other week in highschool or whatever other DIEt I tried to lose weight, I would stop drinking water, because heaven forbid I put on water weight.  Ha, really instead of going on a diet to lose weight, I could look at why I gained the weight in the first place deal with those issues maybe hmmm? And from there deal with the fact that its not the water causing the weight its all the table salt I was injecting, I mean eating... that was making me retain the water and weight....Ask the right questions if you want the right answers.

me and my smoothie and my slinkers and my jeans that are too big now:)

 Superfood smoothieeeee.: coconut juice, purple kale, rainbow chard, strawberries(they were going bad, anything that is about to go to waste, I try to use up, and then you get to the point where you buy food pretty much daily because you care about yourself enough to eat the freshest of the fresh) blueberries, jalepeno, banana, acai, cacao, maca, avocado(fuerte avocados can mostly only be found at farmers market because their skin is so soft it's super fragile and they would get destroyed going through the boxes and processes it takes to get them to stores, this fact alone makes me like them more, not to mention they are creamier and a brighter color green than hass avocados) maca, cayenne(look uphttp://www.cayennepepper.info/health-benefits-of-cayenne-pepper.html) my cayenne is usually in my purse or by my bed ha I swear, I use it in everything and if you glance at the list of benefits in the link above you will too. himalaya salt why? because anything with cacao that little pinch of salt will bring out the chocolate, also it's pink:) also Sea salts are way different than the normal table salt...if you've never researched...more homework for you:)

baby bro getting down adding to his veggie sangwich,  he's epic.

stop and pick yourself a flower, or tell a flower you love it, the love that will come into yourself will match the  amount of time and love you put into observing and making use of nature and all of its healing qualities as simple as a beautiful smell.

gonna make some quinoa, with-zuchinni, sprouted sweet peas, yellow bell pepper, red bell pepper,  baby carrots, heart of palm, cilantro, cayenne, lemon juice, garlic, avocado, sea salt, olive oil

quinoa is one of the non-raw things I enjoy eating every once in awhile, it's super easy to make, it's an amazing protein and you can add tons of fresh veggies to it. It's also a great option because you can prepare a larger quantity of it and keep it around for a snack cause it doesn't have to be warm to eat it, Jaimy introduced me to this idea of replacing gross snacks with healthier ones and if you just pick a couple dishes you really like and make them at the beginning of the week then you can grab on that instead of making a poor decision because "nothing is available"

I had an interesting talk with my friend Cory today when she asked if I wanted a piece of gum.  I said no thank you, and finally she said ok what's with the gum what do I not want to know about it because you never take any.  I said, I have no idea what at least half the ingredients are inside of gum...that alone is enough for me to not need it in my life:) simple.  We went on to talk about because she said with the superfood smoothies she's been making she forgets to eat, but never gets hungry anymore.  So we discussed how rad that is, once you start taking in more nutrient dense food your body will start reducing the signal of cravings for all the toxins you used to put in, and you'll find yourself really nerding out and making sure you're getting your nutrients every moment because you may not be hungry or forget to eat for the rest of the day...healthiest? no happens? yes.  She also talked about going organic, she related it to mascara and beauty products asking why we spend all this money on the outside self, yet flip out when it's a dollar or two more if it's something that's going inside of self....why?  If you want the best out of your body, why don't you put the best in your body? 1+1=2 ALLways.

Cory, me and my breakfast, a coconut, the juice plus a green juice my friend got me was my morning munchies. 

 If you haven't met Goji berries, meet them they "are perhaps the most nutritionally-rich fruit on the planet. Goji berries contain 18 kinds of amino acids (six times higher than bee pollen) and contain all 8 essential amino acids (such as isoleucine and tryptophan). Goji berries contain up to 21 trace minerals (the main ones being zinc iron copper calcium germanium selenium and phosphorus). Goji berries are the richest source of carotenoids including beta-carotene (more beta carotene than carrots) of all known foods or plants on earth! They contain 500 times the amount of vitamin C by weight than oranges making them second only to camu camu berries as the richest vitamin C source on earth. Goji berries also contain vitamins B1 B2 B6 and vitamin E.Goji berries have been traditionally regarded as a longevity strength-building and sexual potency food of the highest order." I carry them with me a lot, or have them in the mornings.  You can also make your own trail mixes, I get super stoked in doing this, I feel it's cheaper as far as price and richer as far as quality.  I can choose what I want to put in and the type of flavor or feel I'm going for or gifting to someone.

almonds, pecans, pine nuts, dried apples, goji berries, organic bananas, cranberries(I have yet to find organic dried cranberries with no sugar added, if you have a source please share, these are organic with organic cane juice from trader joes) 

seaweed seaweed and more seaweed....when I first started watching what  my teacher Mark ate, seaweed was the first thing I noticed because he ate it all the time as some sort of snack.  From there I found I really liked it too, plus learned the benefits and how incredible it is for us and I kept eating it, even when I would go on and off diets I really enjoyed it.  Now it is one of the main ingredients to what I intake.  I am perfectly happy with a lunch of seaweed snacks and avocado.  From listening and learning with Mark I gathered one of the most important things if you are going toward or thinking of going raw is always always have food with you, whether its a piece of fruit, seaweed, nuts, an avocado, whatever you're
into, carry something with you always just in case, so again you don't have to make a poor decision based on "whats available" make healthier things your availability always!  This evening I decided to go for some rice, coconut oil, cayenne, lemon and pine nuts added to my avocado:)

Friday the 16th
The baby bros bday!

Last night we made some quinoa together, Jaso, Devon and I, we added: red and orange bell peppers, red and green jalepenos, cranberries, sprouted sugar peas, sprouted lentils, heart of palm, lemon juice, cilantro, onions, garlic, cayenne, coconut oil, avocado....andddddd LOVE. it was amazing we have no idea how much of each we put, but we did chop for about an hour or two and stirred in each ingredient separately

getting stoked for friday night candle lit classss! right after i had my morning coconut! 

SundayFunday!

Day 36 And then there was Monday!!!!!!! We got Spencer up and running righteously!  Sewed for about 8 hours, it was so much fun!  Got some projects started, and Kish downloaded an idea for tea with ofcourse Cacao!  So we made that happen as well.  It's like once you start believing in yourself and taking action with that belief and pure love behind it, dreams come true moment to moment, it really is whatever you want it to be.

Kaykosiessssss

dinner some sort of fantastic salad

with homemade hummus and pine nuts a top!

Tuesday 3.20.12-Went to the DMV to an AA meeting and the DMV today. I found out in AA that I need to wear more clothes, and that bright eyed soft hearted hippy yogis like myself are not the norm in those rooms.  For my real recovery I stick to the yoga room. While completing all my "earthly citizen" duties to finish this karmic run of mine with anklet, 18 month program and so on, I use my time to meditate, download and train myself how to better help others.  AA doesn't quite do it for me, I understand as a system it works for a lot people, but as I've stated before, I am interested in my whole WELL being not just an isolated aspect of it.  And so I have found my way as I said through yoga and replacing my addictions with ones that work toward my goals instead of taking me away from them.  I used to light candles in my bedroom or in the bathroom so my brothers or mom wouldn't hear me ignite the lighter several times while smoking heroin in those sacred places.  Now I light candles for celebration and ceremony benefits, there is a huge difference in using candlelit for good or evil.  Chasing the dragon as they say, is how I used to do it.  I smoked heroin off of foil through some sort of plastic pen or device, anything really that would allow the smoke through, you light under the foil with the shit(yes we literally called it shit) on top and then you chase the smoke with the "tooter" or plastic device you'd found or made.  No I use candles during anytime I want to be productive, anytime I need heat, light, love, bath time or when I am doing an enema party by myself, I like to light candles as well.  If you are interested in enemas do your research, feel free to ask me more questions, if you can't tell by now, I'm pretty open. you can email me at thetraydish@yahoo.com anytime, but do your own research as well, because I'm only offering my experience and what I've come to know through my research. Start by asking what kind of water will you put in it? If tap water is ok with you, start your research there.  Know what your body can handle, know what your body wants to handle, and know what your body needs to handle.

My friend, Juri, I've learned so much from him & his transformation and light, I asked for a sip of water from him while we were in Costa, he said he had a cold sore, I said I dont care, he said yeah your body is strong enough to handle it. Same thing my guru told me when I told him I was nervous about drinking the water in jail for the 72 hours I had to do he said 'Ash your body can handle whatever you gotta do in there.' Its all detox. detox again I believe every sickness, disease is detox. example: I smoked heroin for 2 and a half years I'm goin to go through some coughing spells, my lungs needed/need detox. I quit taking any pills 2 years ago, I believe there is a balance for (i love you lord) eastern and western medicine however I was on at least 7 medications before, for allergies, asthma, depression, back pain you name it I had it. Now with the food I intake and yoga my body is way more at harmony. Once again I'm not a nutrionist or dr but an observer of my own body and heart so it is. Biology of Belief by Dr. Bruce Lipton read it

As I've mentioned last post, I've been through full blown heroin withdrawls in level 3 out of 4 security jail to the point of having seizures which was the only was I finally was allowed to get medical attention to get some fluid in me since I was completely depleted of any mineral or nutrition value or water for that matter.  What I haven't mentioned, I've also been through cocaine detox, after I came back from Whittier and the experience I undertook there, I chose to use about an eightball of cocaine a day to deal with the rape and to the point of cutting myself alone in my best girlfriends bathroom because I didn't know what it felt like to feel anything anymore, and even though it was a physical pain it was a pain finally since I had shut myself completely down after Whittier, when I "woke up" from that spell I decided my new self mutilation would serve as a reminder of why cocaine doesn't work for me.  There have been times I still used cocaine after that, where the situation was lighter and calling for a different intention/different lesson but it is not a part of the new me and nor do I feel it ever will be again.  I've gone through alcohol withdrawls, the DT's all that goodstuff, pretty sure I've had alcohol poisoning a few times in my life yet never went to the hospital which means my system some how roughly got it out.  I've gone through cigarette withdrawls, caffeine withdrawls, when I was celibate for almost a year, sexual withdrawls, all that good stuff, if you read anything in my blog read this: DETOXING FROM SUGAR, PROCESSED AND COOKED 'FOOD' IS MORE INTENSE THAN HEROIN, COCAINE, ALCOHOL, CAFFEINE OR NICOTINE DETOX......This is not a joke, I am 100 percent serious.  If you don't know what's in the food you're putting inside yourself, it's dangerous...and if you're putting things inside your children without knowing what the ingredients are please stop in the same way you wouldn't hopefully wouldn't buy a drug if you didn't know what it was cut with.  Our food is being cut so unnaturally it's disheartening.  Check out the movie my friend Pedro sent, I believe it's free to watch for the rest of the week, just go tohttp://www.hungryforchange.tv/online-premiere to watch for free, it will be worth way more to you I promise, even if you only have "time" to listen to it, then take that time for yourself at the very least. Listen and Live.

Went to Dad's for dinner, he invented something new for the Mijo's birthday:

I would tell you whats in here, but um my dad doesn't do recipes either, see not my fault always his:) Just kidding the fajer we shall start writing things down, I would do my best to describe but instead I will quote Jason, when we got home he said, "that's something straight out of Costa Rica, no for real, even better, that's one of the best things I've ever tasted if not THE best, man I thought the mushrooms were the best but this is IT." done. it was a cheeseless, meatless, noodleless lasagna, it was completely raw with the exception of spaghetti squash as the sub noodles.  He marinated bell peppers and onions for two days so they would get soft and feel cooked, then put the spaghetti squash on top of that, I think he used garlic and olive oil for that part, then he had marinated baby portabella mushrooms like he does the big ones! omg and then he made some orange looking cheese sauce something or other somehow that was out of this world and then some pinenuts on top.  He made a salad with tons of vegetables and fruits, and even candied some walnuts with honey to throw on top! Yes this is the fajer, he's incredible you should know him, oh and you should know he has a friend named Meindart, I don't know if that's correct spelling but he is my favorite because of his name, you know how I feel about names already:)

me and the mijo(not really mijo as henry's lady thought once really he's the hermanito, but growing up he was  my little mijo for sure) pops even gave us glasses to drink out of and the water was from glass bottles too!  As Chelah says, "say no to negative estrogen forever"  Plastic bottles are gnarllllllllllly, more homework if you don't know this already.

 3.21.12 Wednesday

Today we went on a fieldtrip!  Cory had never been to whole foods so we took her there and showed her cacao and got some of the other ingredients for the tea we are working to perfect. It was so fun!  Right when we walked in, I was instantly reminded of Mark and going to whole foods with him. On that day, bought organic white cherries, and after I picked up a bag for myself he asked if those were the ones I wanted, if I looked at all of them and made sure they were happy and that I loved them before taking them to put into my body. Change my life!  So with Cory we just looked at some of the basic raw stuff.  A huge favorite of mine is the Gone Nut's brand there the white chocolate cashew one is the best, Mark originally introduced me to these as well.  I dig the brazilian nut and mulberry kind as well, because I think the mulberry with cacao tastes like brownie bites:) 

We also went to Lady of the Lake for Jaso to buy a singing bowl. I have been super hard on this Cacao tea in the ams and that keeps me pretty satisfied until lunch time(whatever that means) I love that there are times  we are supposed to eat. That's so crazy, can't we just eat when our body tells us?  Oh right most of us can't even feel our own stomachs or see our own toes because of what we've been "silently" killing ourselves with...meet your body, love your body love your life live your life.  Start with the basics and introducing in a few new things.  The day after I first posted this blog my cousin sent me a picture of her salad with a caption saying, "your blog inspired me to eat healthier, woohoo" It's really simple, to want to live or not, and then what level of life do you wish to operate from?  Simple, get out of your own way and do something.....because you want to live not because you HAVE to LOSE weight.

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Went to my step dads to do some work. The sun is blaring today and I am listening and feeling. It is most amazing, I love eating outside.  it’s a whole different thing now when I eat something.  You can literally acknowledge your intentions and gratitude before you put the food in your body.  For years I ate negative emotions and fears, through the thoughts I was eating as I was putting these things in my body.  My teacher Mark used to always say, there is no good or bad it’s whatever works for you.  Now this can be very enLIGHTening when you are at most pure and working for God.  However, if you’re not being honest with God or yourself then you’re probably thinking at the moment, well tons of things I thought worked for me didn’t.  I used to think the same, or one of my cousins’ responses when I shared this with him about a year ago, as he was telling me how disappointing my veganism was on him and the family, he shared also, well heroin worked for you for awhile so that’s good then?  Once again, we know what truly works for us, and if we are listening to God all day long(which is what meditation is for me) then we start to trust ourselves because we are operating from a higher level and things will start to really change when you look at them and yourself honestly.  In the movie link I posted Hungry for Change, one of the guys talks about our bodies not being able to understand english, but the body does understand images.  This is why vision boards work and when we actually use our imagination or see something we want to look like and actually believe we can...then it happens, and everything you need will be placed in your life, or you will be given the option to remove the excess you don't need in your life to make it happen.  The universe wants to work with you, your body wants to heal it's self, just let goooooooo.

Friday the 23rd- Such a weird weird day it was today. To sum up the lessons learned, I'd say constant checking in with your intentions and not letting the fears of old self get in the way of the dreams of the new self, along with trusting intuition so It gets clearer and everything goes how you want it to instead of how you don't want, just a quick little shift in thought and then action and then reaction is so much smoother.  I don't know if it's me....or....the answer from one of my true friends, "of course it's you, it's always you Ash." It would be way easier to hang out with people that are still doing the same ol' actions wanting different results because if I slipped into an old habit they wouldn't want to hold me accountable because that would force them to look at themselves and whats really going on.  When I have friends that aren't afraid to tell me the truth about myself is when we both grow and the relationship grows for the greater good and we are all working living and loving together.  If you are wanting to bounce ideas off people part of being honest with yourself is honestly choosing the right audience to make a healthy decision for your self.  For example, if I am quitting drinking, but I say around a bunch of younger kids or friends that didn't know me in my drinking days that I am thinking about having a drink....most likely they are going to say that I would be totally fine if I just had one drink.  This once again stops them from looking at a behavior they may wish to change in themself, and also would be completely non useful advice as they didn't know me when I was waking up not remembering the night before or having to apologize daily to those I love, or numerous times getting behind the wheel of a car after in one night drinking enough alcohol that could suffice a normal drinkers month or 6 months. Or do I care about myself enough now to be around those who will tell me how I really am, and have my very highest self in mind. All that work/training(using/drinking days) I put in is for me to know and me to hold myself accountable too because maybe in my life I will get to the point where nobody knows where I've come from or who I've been and I will be the only one that can stand up for me now in that moment.  For now though, if you are detoxing from annnnything, I can't express enough how sacred choosing your friends can be for you.  You really have the choice, and you can view it in the same way as anything else, for me when I removed alcohol and food addiction....I really looked at things on the same level as far as what am I craving from this person, is it toxin or is it love. And then from that answer if it is love, what are my intentions for the love.  As I said this is the most intense detox, especially when I go fully raw or fast, what I open myself up to is a sensitivity as I've never experienced before.  It's like finding out everything I've been told is untrue, relearning everything and in the middle of that going to the deepest darkest place of self to examine who I was, who I really am, what I really want, what is the best way I can really serve, and what steps do I really need to take to achieve all of that. Most of the time it is getting out of my own way and trusting that I really have my own best interest at heart and letting go of the guilt or any other impurities so I stay connected to God.

Friends wanted mexican food, we did a little fieldtrip, and  all the boys got burritos...now this is great because all of them got vegetarian, which was not the case a couple months or even weeks ago, I got spicy carrots, guacamole, radishes, and salsa, I had some spinach and a few other things at the school already, so I made some of these:

spicy carrot, radish, sprouted lentil, sprouted sugar peas, spinach, guacamole and salsa bites:)

Saturday 3.24.12

Jaso and I ran into my teacher Mark's parents at Trader Joes and again at Sprouts!  They looked super healthy and beautiful! It was rad to get to see them so I could thank them for their son and all the positive ways he has influenced me and changed my life, their response "he's changed our lives too" They asked about my anklet and Mama said she had seen pictures of me on my blog!  We talked for quite a while in both spots it was nice to get to hug them, I could see how much they miss Mark.  Their daughter Kristina and I went to high school together, and I guess Kristina showed her what I was doing on my blog which was cool because I had been hearing from all around little bonitaville that she was doing so well so for it all to come together that we are all healthy happy and the parents are being effected by us kids now was pretty epic.

Thank you for reading, my intention is for this to help others along their journey and I want to expand some more with actual recipes and whatever else comes up, we may even be creating a website to give the full access to everything going on, so your responses, testimony and questions are absolutely cherished and will be key to continuing to give you what you need through my experience. One more time, thetraydish@yahoo.com is my address for now:)  Much Love to all see you in about 14 days.