LB=light body

3.12.12-Day 29-Monday I have received incredible feedback from everyONE.  From everything I have observed, experienced and chosen, I feel it is time for us to be our own science projects, or our own art project.  A life changing conversation I had with Chelah about two years ago she explained that you can look at everyone as an art project, you know projects as you walk through the gallery you want to check out a little longer, maybe even take them home with you:) some projects maybe you pass right by and know it's not for you, some maybe you can take a piece of their corner that you like and add it to yourSELF, your own art project.  In looking at people like that it gets much easier to relate and acknowledge the choice we have...in everything.  Some of the feedback I experienced was more of a wary nature, as far as the body is concerned.  Some responses were on the line of, I hope Ashley isn't getting too caught up in her body, it's not all about the body and she has always been beautiful.  My first reaction to this was defensive, as far as, if you know me, you know the changes I have made are not limited to my physical being.  That being said, I believe if we weren't meant to learn from our bodies we would just be spirits floating around.  Even more bluntly, we are here in a body, and so let's use it.  In practicing yoga, I spent many hours, many classes many moments taking in knowledge, philosophy, wisdom and from Kristyan, Jano and Mark.  They showed me the gentle side of men again who can be into service for feminine greater good.  As they taught, I progressed...I literally saw progression in my body first, because for me as I said in the beginning of this thing, it's been a battle.  Yoga was the first thing I did where I started craving health.  I have played every sport, from roller hockey, softball, soccer, basketball, Shotput/discus, volleyball, waterpolo, Lacrosse and so on, broke many a bones.  Just in my hands alone I have broken or jammed every finger except for my right thumb at least one time.  My hip surgery in sixth grade I've mentioned, broken my right ankle twice, broken my right wrist, and fractured a vertebrae to top it off.  Through all the sports, all the coaches, all the teams, all the injuries, never was I shown body awareness and how to honor my body as I have been led to through my teachers.  In the yoga room I progressed through my teachers mind with my body, outside the yoga room, I progressed through my heart with my LIFE.  Whether you are an art project or science project, let it be your own.  For life we have let others experiment with us based on their studies and what has happened when they give someone else this amount of pills it will do this.  Instead of taking space, and remembering, as my guru said in one of the first classes I ever took with him, "These are the hips, they're happy to meet you, hopefully these are your only set this lifetime and you don't have to get metal."   The thing with taking a pill or putting something into me that is not of mySelf is, I am me, my body is mine, it may react differently to something than yours does.  I don't know anything, but what I do know is I am not a nutritionist of anybody else, I am not a doctor of anybody else, I have merely grown to learn how to love myself and that is what I am offering to share with you.  Just for one moment think about the idea that we are "supposed" to drink 8-10 glasses of water a day....That is nuuuuuts how could 8-10 glasses of water a day be prescribed for everyone?  It's supposed to hydrate my father that is 6'5" and my student that is 4'11".  Why not listen to your body?  Investigate, when you go pee, is it dark?  You probably need more water...are you getting headaches?  If your body is already showing physical signs of dehydration such as that, then it was dehydrated a long time before the moment your headache started, and then what are you going to do, take some advil which has who knows what kind of side effects.  When you could have just imputed more water because you are obviously outputting more than 8-10 glasses a day.  And it may change from day to day, and that's okay too!  Guess what, somedays I do 6 hours of yoga between teaching and training and practicing, I may need a little bit more water on those days then when I am hanging around doing less active projects.

So on to my food today, in case you're wondering:) what in the world does Ashley get when she is offered food from the mexican taco shop?  Well, the old old me: carne asada fries, the old me: bean and guac burrito, the newer me: vegetarian burrito, and the right now me: anything I can add to my salad, in this case; Spicy carrots, guacamole and salsa.

Spicy carrots have always been my favorite! Guacamole, if you are interested in cutting animal products out make sure you ask if they put sour cream or mayo in their guac, sometimes its added to make it stay greener longer...unneccesary.

pine nuts oh my they are officially going on everything!  or as katt williams says, everrrrrrrrrrrry thang

i and mom

my baby bros and I soaking solar power. a completely necessary part of my transformation as well.

I also met my new lover tonight, Spencer:

So I've spoken about this addictive personality thing I've got going on. I feel it's time to use it.  I've been able to connect to my feminine lineage a lot easier with the help of Cory (once again if you don't know Cory, www.wisdomfromhome.com is where you can visit her online or at the school in person if youre more into that.)  My mom and grandmother taught me how to sew when I was younger.  My mom made all of her own clothes, my grandma Geneva was one of those that could sew anything she saw.  Kind of like an instrument, some people can play by ear and some people have to read music.  In sewing, some can create by sight, and others have to use patterns.  I feel I am my grandmother's granddaughter and have been wanting to get intouch with our sewing machines for quite sometime now.  Months ago I asked Kish if we could put one in the studio but I never did the follow through and it never happened(the old me tended to do this often as well, big ideas and then no action, or too late of action=self sabotage) So we now in recent times were talking about sewing some projects for Kish's artshow coming at the end of the month and I felt it perfect timing to finally act on what I had already asked permission for, especially since I was having some time on my hands.  I feel everything can really be replaced, like I would rather sit at home and hang out with my cat and sew then go get wasted on alcohol or heroin.....I dunno about you but I'll choose being the creepy cat lady and sew you whatever you need anytime! My mom offered to get us a machine for the studio instead of taking hers or my grandmothers because they have personality defects heehee.  So came Spencer!  Me and my mom beamed off, I got soooo stoked we got everything!  I was so happy coming home and imaging all the things I could create.  For awhile now I have wanted to stop buying clothes since I tend to create my own interesting pieces with what I have anyway.  When I was younger I used to do this because there never was my size.  I was taller than my teacher from fifth grade on and there were never any boys taller than I till I got into tenth grade.  Along with the height, I packed on thickness as well, eating away my emotions since then.  Well when it came to buying clothes I absolutely hated shopping, nothing ever fit and it always just took me deeper and made me more hopeless so I ate more instead of solving the emotions I was feeling due to all the stuff that was going on in my family unit around me.  So I used to get things because they fit, not because I liked the clothes or because they felt good or went with me, I got them because I could zip them up, or because they went past my ankles, or was long enough and loose enough to hide my stomach that I already hated when I was only in middle school.  I remember when I first got to 150lbs, I was sitting on the lunch tables in elementary school....and all the other girls, not one of them was over even 100 lbs....and so my contract with myself as a "big girl" began, until recently I actively changed my way of thinking that I am a light being and I deserve to be happy no matter how badly I may have been hurt in the past when I was feeling good.  I now know I can choose to feel good, I can choose to feel happy and I can make choices when I eat that represent my light body the new contract I made with myself instead of drowning myself in toxic food death because of what I was told when I was younger and never got through till now. Read the Four Agreements...like today.

3.13.12 30 Tuesday honoring the truth. Longlong day. Impeccable with your word.  Back to the four agreements, I got into a pretty heated discussion last night with my little brother. He made a comment about my sewing something to the effect of, oh well see how long this lasts for.  I felt him totally take my stoke and stomp on it.  Now I could have said nothing and let it go past me again since this was the second time he made this comment, however I chose to go head on into him.  We ended up having one of the most honest loving conversations of our lives.  I told him that I want what I deserve now, from him as my brother and from everyone.  I explained that I was truly working to be impeccable with my word and for me that meant the intention behind a word as well.  As I cut out my defense mechanisms, such as comedy for example when really I am speaking truth, yet I say it in a funny way to leave myself an out in case it hits wrong, I have learned to either say what I feel at the time or I don't put myself around people whom don't appreciate taking in truth or outputting truth.  This is still very much a work in progress.  As it seems little lies, exaggerations are everywhere in people throughout my energy field.  One thing I learned in jail when I was kicking heroin....it starts with the Self.  Be honest with self and nothing else matters because if you are honest with yourself then you keep your intentions in mind and it's not possible to hurt anyone or necessary to ever apologize again.

I eat at night....is that the best option?....depending on when you probably sleep, no however sometimes  I choose it for the moment and it's fantastic.  This is some amazing mostly organic veggies my bros gf cooked on top of rice...there is butter in the veggies.....so here we go, Ashley I thought you said you were vegan...No, I say "I love animals, so I stay away from animal products as much as possible"  Ashley, I thought you were a raw foodist. My response, "I am alive, therefore I would like to put the same into my system, Life, as much as possible" Ashley some of those veggies aren't organic. my response, "I eat organic because I don't like to eat poison, as much as possible thank you"  All that being said, the true order in my heart if you're interested, Vegan, Organic and then Raw...if I am being given something out of pure love and that I feel has love in it, then that to me outweighs any rule ever...because I care about myself enough know to make that executive decision for my highest self, I also don't use it as an excuse to go completely overboard and eat crazy shit "because I felt like it" do your homework on what "as much as possible" truly means for your body and your intentions, not mine and all of us will be good!

I tend to eat bowls of cacao bigger than my head.  It's really not that big just the camera angle:)  I have started this new thing while I cook to also make chocolate mousse or some sort of chocolate because I feel my cravings for everything else get into balance as long as I have chocolate.  And once again Cacao is way different than the normal chocolate eaters chocolate so do your research and find out what your body is truly craving so instead of eating 20 candy bars that have thousand of grams of sugar and unnecessary dairy, you can have a bowl of cacao everyday and be guiltfree & HAPPPPPPY.

3.14.12-does loyalty exist? day 31.  Water water water in the morning, the best thing to get your system going if you are just starting out, drink some water in the morning, by some I mean like a lot and when you drink it, become conscious of the type of water and the container it is in, but first, at least start to drink water.  When I used to go on the atkins diet every other week in highschool or whatever other DIEt I tried to lose weight, I would stop drinking water, because heaven forbid I put on water weight.  Ha, really instead of going on a diet to lose weight, I could look at why I gained the weight in the first place deal with those issues maybe hmmm? And from there deal with the fact that its not the water causing the weight its all the table salt I was injecting, I mean eating... that was making me retain the water and weight....Ask the right questions if you want the right answers.

me and my smoothie and my slinkers and my jeans that are too big now:)

 Superfood smoothieeeee.: coconut juice, purple kale, rainbow chard, strawberries(they were going bad, anything that is about to go to waste, I try to use up, and then you get to the point where you buy food pretty much daily because you care about yourself enough to eat the freshest of the fresh) blueberries, jalepeno, banana, acai, cacao, maca, avocado(fuerte avocados can mostly only be found at farmers market because their skin is so soft it's super fragile and they would get destroyed going through the boxes and processes it takes to get them to stores, this fact alone makes me like them more, not to mention they are creamier and a brighter color green than hass avocados) maca, cayenne(look uphttp://www.cayennepepper.info/health-benefits-of-cayenne-pepper.html) my cayenne is usually in my purse or by my bed ha I swear, I use it in everything and if you glance at the list of benefits in the link above you will too. himalaya salt why? because anything with cacao that little pinch of salt will bring out the chocolate, also it's pink:) also Sea salts are way different than the normal table salt...if you've never researched...more homework for you:)

baby bro getting down adding to his veggie sangwich,  he's epic.

stop and pick yourself a flower, or tell a flower you love it, the love that will come into yourself will match the  amount of time and love you put into observing and making use of nature and all of its healing qualities as simple as a beautiful smell.

gonna make some quinoa, with-zuchinni, sprouted sweet peas, yellow bell pepper, red bell pepper,  baby carrots, heart of palm, cilantro, cayenne, lemon juice, garlic, avocado, sea salt, olive oil

quinoa is one of the non-raw things I enjoy eating every once in awhile, it's super easy to make, it's an amazing protein and you can add tons of fresh veggies to it. It's also a great option because you can prepare a larger quantity of it and keep it around for a snack cause it doesn't have to be warm to eat it, Jaimy introduced me to this idea of replacing gross snacks with healthier ones and if you just pick a couple dishes you really like and make them at the beginning of the week then you can grab on that instead of making a poor decision because "nothing is available"

I had an interesting talk with my friend Cory today when she asked if I wanted a piece of gum.  I said no thank you, and finally she said ok what's with the gum what do I not want to know about it because you never take any.  I said, I have no idea what at least half the ingredients are inside of gum...that alone is enough for me to not need it in my life:) simple.  We went on to talk about because she said with the superfood smoothies she's been making she forgets to eat, but never gets hungry anymore.  So we discussed how rad that is, once you start taking in more nutrient dense food your body will start reducing the signal of cravings for all the toxins you used to put in, and you'll find yourself really nerding out and making sure you're getting your nutrients every moment because you may not be hungry or forget to eat for the rest of the day...healthiest? no happens? yes.  She also talked about going organic, she related it to mascara and beauty products asking why we spend all this money on the outside self, yet flip out when it's a dollar or two more if it's something that's going inside of self....why?  If you want the best out of your body, why don't you put the best in your body? 1+1=2 ALLways.

Cory, me and my breakfast, a coconut, the juice plus a green juice my friend got me was my morning munchies. 

 If you haven't met Goji berries, meet them they "are perhaps the most nutritionally-rich fruit on the planet. Goji berries contain 18 kinds of amino acids (six times higher than bee pollen) and contain all 8 essential amino acids (such as isoleucine and tryptophan). Goji berries contain up to 21 trace minerals (the main ones being zinc iron copper calcium germanium selenium and phosphorus). Goji berries are the richest source of carotenoids including beta-carotene (more beta carotene than carrots) of all known foods or plants on earth! They contain 500 times the amount of vitamin C by weight than oranges making them second only to camu camu berries as the richest vitamin C source on earth. Goji berries also contain vitamins B1 B2 B6 and vitamin E.Goji berries have been traditionally regarded as a longevity strength-building and sexual potency food of the highest order." I carry them with me a lot, or have them in the mornings.  You can also make your own trail mixes, I get super stoked in doing this, I feel it's cheaper as far as price and richer as far as quality.  I can choose what I want to put in and the type of flavor or feel I'm going for or gifting to someone.

almonds, pecans, pine nuts, dried apples, goji berries, organic bananas, cranberries(I have yet to find organic dried cranberries with no sugar added, if you have a source please share, these are organic with organic cane juice from trader joes) 

seaweed seaweed and more seaweed....when I first started watching what  my teacher Mark ate, seaweed was the first thing I noticed because he ate it all the time as some sort of snack.  From there I found I really liked it too, plus learned the benefits and how incredible it is for us and I kept eating it, even when I would go on and off diets I really enjoyed it.  Now it is one of the main ingredients to what I intake.  I am perfectly happy with a lunch of seaweed snacks and avocado.  From listening and learning with Mark I gathered one of the most important things if you are going toward or thinking of going raw is always always have food with you, whether its a piece of fruit, seaweed, nuts, an avocado, whatever you're
into, carry something with you always just in case, so again you don't have to make a poor decision based on "whats available" make healthier things your availability always!  This evening I decided to go for some rice, coconut oil, cayenne, lemon and pine nuts added to my avocado:)

Friday the 16th
The baby bros bday!

Last night we made some quinoa together, Jaso, Devon and I, we added: red and orange bell peppers, red and green jalepenos, cranberries, sprouted sugar peas, sprouted lentils, heart of palm, lemon juice, cilantro, onions, garlic, cayenne, coconut oil, avocado....andddddd LOVE. it was amazing we have no idea how much of each we put, but we did chop for about an hour or two and stirred in each ingredient separately

getting stoked for friday night candle lit classss! right after i had my morning coconut! 

SundayFunday!

Day 36 And then there was Monday!!!!!!! We got Spencer up and running righteously!  Sewed for about 8 hours, it was so much fun!  Got some projects started, and Kish downloaded an idea for tea with ofcourse Cacao!  So we made that happen as well.  It's like once you start believing in yourself and taking action with that belief and pure love behind it, dreams come true moment to moment, it really is whatever you want it to be.

Kaykosiessssss

dinner some sort of fantastic salad

with homemade hummus and pine nuts a top!

Tuesday 3.20.12-Went to the DMV to an AA meeting and the DMV today. I found out in AA that I need to wear more clothes, and that bright eyed soft hearted hippy yogis like myself are not the norm in those rooms.  For my real recovery I stick to the yoga room. While completing all my "earthly citizen" duties to finish this karmic run of mine with anklet, 18 month program and so on, I use my time to meditate, download and train myself how to better help others.  AA doesn't quite do it for me, I understand as a system it works for a lot people, but as I've stated before, I am interested in my whole WELL being not just an isolated aspect of it.  And so I have found my way as I said through yoga and replacing my addictions with ones that work toward my goals instead of taking me away from them.  I used to light candles in my bedroom or in the bathroom so my brothers or mom wouldn't hear me ignite the lighter several times while smoking heroin in those sacred places.  Now I light candles for celebration and ceremony benefits, there is a huge difference in using candlelit for good or evil.  Chasing the dragon as they say, is how I used to do it.  I smoked heroin off of foil through some sort of plastic pen or device, anything really that would allow the smoke through, you light under the foil with the shit(yes we literally called it shit) on top and then you chase the smoke with the "tooter" or plastic device you'd found or made.  No I use candles during anytime I want to be productive, anytime I need heat, light, love, bath time or when I am doing an enema party by myself, I like to light candles as well.  If you are interested in enemas do your research, feel free to ask me more questions, if you can't tell by now, I'm pretty open. you can email me at thetraydish@yahoo.com anytime, but do your own research as well, because I'm only offering my experience and what I've come to know through my research. Start by asking what kind of water will you put in it? If tap water is ok with you, start your research there.  Know what your body can handle, know what your body wants to handle, and know what your body needs to handle.

My friend, Juri, I've learned so much from him & his transformation and light, I asked for a sip of water from him while we were in Costa, he said he had a cold sore, I said I dont care, he said yeah your body is strong enough to handle it. Same thing my guru told me when I told him I was nervous about drinking the water in jail for the 72 hours I had to do he said 'Ash your body can handle whatever you gotta do in there.' Its all detox. detox again I believe every sickness, disease is detox. example: I smoked heroin for 2 and a half years I'm goin to go through some coughing spells, my lungs needed/need detox. I quit taking any pills 2 years ago, I believe there is a balance for (i love you lord) eastern and western medicine however I was on at least 7 medications before, for allergies, asthma, depression, back pain you name it I had it. Now with the food I intake and yoga my body is way more at harmony. Once again I'm not a nutrionist or dr but an observer of my own body and heart so it is. Biology of Belief by Dr. Bruce Lipton read it

As I've mentioned last post, I've been through full blown heroin withdrawls in level 3 out of 4 security jail to the point of having seizures which was the only was I finally was allowed to get medical attention to get some fluid in me since I was completely depleted of any mineral or nutrition value or water for that matter.  What I haven't mentioned, I've also been through cocaine detox, after I came back from Whittier and the experience I undertook there, I chose to use about an eightball of cocaine a day to deal with the rape and to the point of cutting myself alone in my best girlfriends bathroom because I didn't know what it felt like to feel anything anymore, and even though it was a physical pain it was a pain finally since I had shut myself completely down after Whittier, when I "woke up" from that spell I decided my new self mutilation would serve as a reminder of why cocaine doesn't work for me.  There have been times I still used cocaine after that, where the situation was lighter and calling for a different intention/different lesson but it is not a part of the new me and nor do I feel it ever will be again.  I've gone through alcohol withdrawls, the DT's all that goodstuff, pretty sure I've had alcohol poisoning a few times in my life yet never went to the hospital which means my system some how roughly got it out.  I've gone through cigarette withdrawls, caffeine withdrawls, when I was celibate for almost a year, sexual withdrawls, all that good stuff, if you read anything in my blog read this: DETOXING FROM SUGAR, PROCESSED AND COOKED 'FOOD' IS MORE INTENSE THAN HEROIN, COCAINE, ALCOHOL, CAFFEINE OR NICOTINE DETOX......This is not a joke, I am 100 percent serious.  If you don't know what's in the food you're putting inside yourself, it's dangerous...and if you're putting things inside your children without knowing what the ingredients are please stop in the same way you wouldn't hopefully wouldn't buy a drug if you didn't know what it was cut with.  Our food is being cut so unnaturally it's disheartening.  Check out the movie my friend Pedro sent, I believe it's free to watch for the rest of the week, just go tohttp://www.hungryforchange.tv/online-premiere to watch for free, it will be worth way more to you I promise, even if you only have "time" to listen to it, then take that time for yourself at the very least. Listen and Live.

Went to Dad's for dinner, he invented something new for the Mijo's birthday:

I would tell you whats in here, but um my dad doesn't do recipes either, see not my fault always his:) Just kidding the fajer we shall start writing things down, I would do my best to describe but instead I will quote Jason, when we got home he said, "that's something straight out of Costa Rica, no for real, even better, that's one of the best things I've ever tasted if not THE best, man I thought the mushrooms were the best but this is IT." done. it was a cheeseless, meatless, noodleless lasagna, it was completely raw with the exception of spaghetti squash as the sub noodles.  He marinated bell peppers and onions for two days so they would get soft and feel cooked, then put the spaghetti squash on top of that, I think he used garlic and olive oil for that part, then he had marinated baby portabella mushrooms like he does the big ones! omg and then he made some orange looking cheese sauce something or other somehow that was out of this world and then some pinenuts on top.  He made a salad with tons of vegetables and fruits, and even candied some walnuts with honey to throw on top! Yes this is the fajer, he's incredible you should know him, oh and you should know he has a friend named Meindart, I don't know if that's correct spelling but he is my favorite because of his name, you know how I feel about names already:)

me and the mijo(not really mijo as henry's lady thought once really he's the hermanito, but growing up he was  my little mijo for sure) pops even gave us glasses to drink out of and the water was from glass bottles too!  As Chelah says, "say no to negative estrogen forever"  Plastic bottles are gnarllllllllllly, more homework if you don't know this already.

 3.21.12 Wednesday

Today we went on a fieldtrip!  Cory had never been to whole foods so we took her there and showed her cacao and got some of the other ingredients for the tea we are working to perfect. It was so fun!  Right when we walked in, I was instantly reminded of Mark and going to whole foods with him. On that day, bought organic white cherries, and after I picked up a bag for myself he asked if those were the ones I wanted, if I looked at all of them and made sure they were happy and that I loved them before taking them to put into my body. Change my life!  So with Cory we just looked at some of the basic raw stuff.  A huge favorite of mine is the Gone Nut's brand there the white chocolate cashew one is the best, Mark originally introduced me to these as well.  I dig the brazilian nut and mulberry kind as well, because I think the mulberry with cacao tastes like brownie bites:) 

We also went to Lady of the Lake for Jaso to buy a singing bowl. I have been super hard on this Cacao tea in the ams and that keeps me pretty satisfied until lunch time(whatever that means) I love that there are times  we are supposed to eat. That's so crazy, can't we just eat when our body tells us?  Oh right most of us can't even feel our own stomachs or see our own toes because of what we've been "silently" killing ourselves with...meet your body, love your body love your life live your life.  Start with the basics and introducing in a few new things.  The day after I first posted this blog my cousin sent me a picture of her salad with a caption saying, "your blog inspired me to eat healthier, woohoo" It's really simple, to want to live or not, and then what level of life do you wish to operate from?  Simple, get out of your own way and do something.....because you want to live not because you HAVE to LOSE weight.

.

Went to my step dads to do some work. The sun is blaring today and I am listening and feeling. It is most amazing, I love eating outside.  it’s a whole different thing now when I eat something.  You can literally acknowledge your intentions and gratitude before you put the food in your body.  For years I ate negative emotions and fears, through the thoughts I was eating as I was putting these things in my body.  My teacher Mark used to always say, there is no good or bad it’s whatever works for you.  Now this can be very enLIGHTening when you are at most pure and working for God.  However, if you’re not being honest with God or yourself then you’re probably thinking at the moment, well tons of things I thought worked for me didn’t.  I used to think the same, or one of my cousins’ responses when I shared this with him about a year ago, as he was telling me how disappointing my veganism was on him and the family, he shared also, well heroin worked for you for awhile so that’s good then?  Once again, we know what truly works for us, and if we are listening to God all day long(which is what meditation is for me) then we start to trust ourselves because we are operating from a higher level and things will start to really change when you look at them and yourself honestly.  In the movie link I posted Hungry for Change, one of the guys talks about our bodies not being able to understand english, but the body does understand images.  This is why vision boards work and when we actually use our imagination or see something we want to look like and actually believe we can...then it happens, and everything you need will be placed in your life, or you will be given the option to remove the excess you don't need in your life to make it happen.  The universe wants to work with you, your body wants to heal it's self, just let goooooooo.

Friday the 23rd- Such a weird weird day it was today. To sum up the lessons learned, I'd say constant checking in with your intentions and not letting the fears of old self get in the way of the dreams of the new self, along with trusting intuition so It gets clearer and everything goes how you want it to instead of how you don't want, just a quick little shift in thought and then action and then reaction is so much smoother.  I don't know if it's me....or....the answer from one of my true friends, "of course it's you, it's always you Ash." It would be way easier to hang out with people that are still doing the same ol' actions wanting different results because if I slipped into an old habit they wouldn't want to hold me accountable because that would force them to look at themselves and whats really going on.  When I have friends that aren't afraid to tell me the truth about myself is when we both grow and the relationship grows for the greater good and we are all working living and loving together.  If you are wanting to bounce ideas off people part of being honest with yourself is honestly choosing the right audience to make a healthy decision for your self.  For example, if I am quitting drinking, but I say around a bunch of younger kids or friends that didn't know me in my drinking days that I am thinking about having a drink....most likely they are going to say that I would be totally fine if I just had one drink.  This once again stops them from looking at a behavior they may wish to change in themself, and also would be completely non useful advice as they didn't know me when I was waking up not remembering the night before or having to apologize daily to those I love, or numerous times getting behind the wheel of a car after in one night drinking enough alcohol that could suffice a normal drinkers month or 6 months. Or do I care about myself enough now to be around those who will tell me how I really am, and have my very highest self in mind. All that work/training(using/drinking days) I put in is for me to know and me to hold myself accountable too because maybe in my life I will get to the point where nobody knows where I've come from or who I've been and I will be the only one that can stand up for me now in that moment.  For now though, if you are detoxing from annnnything, I can't express enough how sacred choosing your friends can be for you.  You really have the choice, and you can view it in the same way as anything else, for me when I removed alcohol and food addiction....I really looked at things on the same level as far as what am I craving from this person, is it toxin or is it love. And then from that answer if it is love, what are my intentions for the love.  As I said this is the most intense detox, especially when I go fully raw or fast, what I open myself up to is a sensitivity as I've never experienced before.  It's like finding out everything I've been told is untrue, relearning everything and in the middle of that going to the deepest darkest place of self to examine who I was, who I really am, what I really want, what is the best way I can really serve, and what steps do I really need to take to achieve all of that. Most of the time it is getting out of my own way and trusting that I really have my own best interest at heart and letting go of the guilt or any other impurities so I stay connected to God.

Friends wanted mexican food, we did a little fieldtrip, and  all the boys got burritos...now this is great because all of them got vegetarian, which was not the case a couple months or even weeks ago, I got spicy carrots, guacamole, radishes, and salsa, I had some spinach and a few other things at the school already, so I made some of these:

spicy carrot, radish, sprouted lentil, sprouted sugar peas, spinach, guacamole and salsa bites:)

Saturday 3.24.12

Jaso and I ran into my teacher Mark's parents at Trader Joes and again at Sprouts!  They looked super healthy and beautiful! It was rad to get to see them so I could thank them for their son and all the positive ways he has influenced me and changed my life, their response "he's changed our lives too" They asked about my anklet and Mama said she had seen pictures of me on my blog!  We talked for quite a while in both spots it was nice to get to hug them, I could see how much they miss Mark.  Their daughter Kristina and I went to high school together, and I guess Kristina showed her what I was doing on my blog which was cool because I had been hearing from all around little bonitaville that she was doing so well so for it all to come together that we are all healthy happy and the parents are being effected by us kids now was pretty epic.

Thank you for reading, my intention is for this to help others along their journey and I want to expand some more with actual recipes and whatever else comes up, we may even be creating a website to give the full access to everything going on, so your responses, testimony and questions are absolutely cherished and will be key to continuing to give you what you need through my experience. One more time, thetraydish@yahoo.com is my address for now:)  Much Love to all see you in about 14 days.

02+13+12=27yr old newborn

Day 1
Up until this point in my life, I have lived a weight battle, have done everything....yes everything you could imagine, to lose weight in my life.  I have gone up and down, and all around, and I have finally decided I am ready for my LIGHT JOURNEY.  One of my teachers said, "my body changed and opened more in 30 days of changing my diet to raw than in 4 years of yoga"-Mark.  So, here we are, since Costa Rica I have been on a path of working through what truly works for me and doesn't work for me in an honest way.  Removing alcohol intake from my life has been the quickest way to lighten my journey on all levels; physically, emotionally, spiritually and so on.  After I quit drinking, my guru led me to start really analyzing the emotions I was feeling when I was craving alcohol because it wasn't the taste of the beverage I wanted or minerals I was receiving from what I was partaking, it was way deeper and darker of course.  Getting alcohol out of the way, I am blessed to already be at a point where I don't let it tempt me.  I have fully accepted that I truly am not my best most highest self when alcohol is involved.  In my journey there has been God, Me, and Yoga, Yoga means UNION.  So why in the world would I do anything that is not based on my highest self and leads me further away from God instead of uniting you ask?  So begins my light journey.  I am setting no rules, no perimeters, just love.  I feel if I truly love myself, I will heal myself and the answers will come to me.  While we were in Nosara, Costa Rica for the first yoga/surf retreat of Kristyan and Mark, I learned that I wanted to bring back a better me.  I didn't want to spend money on things that would get lost or maybe only treasured by those who received them for a short period of time.  This was an interesting lesson for me to learn, as I am an ultimate giver literally to the determent of self in my past.  So instead of buying gifts for everyone I figured out with Chelah(THE nutritionist guru) with how much money I had left what I could invest in myself as far as the raw diet or juices and smoothies.  We figured out that a green juice and green smoothie a day would be perfect for how hard I was already detoxing(you will come to know a different meaning for this word than you may be used to if you continue to follow me).  We were blessed with 2 yoga sessions a day, plus surfing or ocean time, plus putting in work in whatever other way one needed.  The green juice and superfood smoothie kept me going.  Our meals were prepared by lovely Costa Rican women every day as we practiced yoga to the sunset in the spaceship.  After the first and second day I stuck to eating what was raw of what they served.  I had coffee once while I was there, as coffee has played a role in my addictive personality, I limit my consumption, we'll speak more on that also...don't worry:) As we would be out in our day and it was all of us in a place where you don't travel more than 15 mph ever, where the town is smaller than my elementary school was, and the power and pull of the ocean is all around, these superfood smoothies really synced with me.  There were times when I would be in the ocean for a couple minutes and realize it was not the time because my body was exhauusted, I would have a smoothie and be ready for the evening yoga session before dinner.  I feel incorporating these types of smoothies into my daily life back here in California will keep my soul in paradise and my body at peace.

Day 2
I realized that first thing in the morning is the best to bring joy into my being, in whatever way works.  I had the best dance party ever on the morning of day 2. I sang to God, I hung out with Slinkers(my cat you'll get to know her) Slinky has shown me what love is, no matter where I come from, what I did, how I feel, how I smell, or where I am going, she is down to post up, purr and just make me happy.  True unconditional love. On this second day was also Valentines day.  I love making things, either by putting things together I've never seen, colors that come to me that want to be united, materials, shapes, pieces I have picked up from other parts of my life.  I went got stoked off at Michael's and grabbed many different things for many different projects. Ended up working on some Valentine Love, and receiving some love through Cacao. If you are interested in getting to know yourself and bettering everything you do and everyone you come across, the best advice straight from myheart is get to know what Cacao is and have it in your life somehow some way every single day.  I was blessed with the best valetines gift ever, homemade raw cacao coconut fudge and strawberries covered in the fudge.  I had eaten only liquids: superfood smoothies, greenjuices and tea until this point, and wow did it make it even better.  I had also been doing a daily enema in the mornings(which once again we will get more into that as well...)

Day 3
I decided my superfood smoothie today was inspired by the chocolate covered strawberries, so the first recipe I made was, strawberries, banana, yacon, goji berries, cacao, coconut water and meat, sea salt.  It was amazing, perhaps because of the inspiration but it was fantastic. Superfood smoothies, cacao and Kombucha daily are the major changes I feel my body is desiring in order to maintain a lifestyle.  I didnt want to just write about a fast, or a cleanse, or starvation or other ways I may have unhealthily lost weight in the past...I want to write about my life style, how it is just being and committed to the Light.  Light=God.

Day 4
I had real avocado with Cheesy kale chips mixed in.  This was amazinnnnng!  I have started to add more things to my intake.  Mostly superfood smoothies and salads.  I have many recipes to share.  The most important thing to share I got off of a David Wolfe video when he was preparing Superfood smoothies.  He speaks about Cacao and cayenne, he also speaks about using what you have.  A recipe is not needed.  You know what you have in your house use it, or if you are feeling you need something else....then get it for yourself.  It's really that simple when you start getting down to the pure goodness.  It's like protein, so often as a vegetarian I get asked where I get my protein from or if I have enough etc. the way it was explained to me by my teachers is imagine the cow gets its protein from the grass so when you eat the cow you get second hand protein, I go straight to the grass and get the first hand protein.  Greens greens greens greens.  There is so much protein in everything and protein is not the only thing one should consider, its silly how important that has been made to Americans, there are plenty of other factors in our diet that we should research as well.

KOMBUCHA-if you don't know about it find out NOW

Day 7
Within the first day I noticed changes in my body.  I have been taking time to soak and come to remember how sacred and beneficial bath time is.  It truly does wonders for the body, skin and heart.  My eyes have changed, my skin has gotten more clear.  I dry brush before I get in the water every day, partly because I truly believe we can shape our body exactly how we want.  I was 256 pounds at one point in my life, the highest I have ever seen on a scale I was standing on, there is a picture of me in that space of my life. That was after I gave up my addiction to heroin and before I found yoga...you can see the darkness in the picture

256lbs and no I never had a baby...that was all toxins this was circa 2009 pre yoga

With my new found path and journey I decided that I didn't want to weigh very much if ever because it becomes an obsession with me where I end up getting on every day and punishing myself if I didn't see a change within a day. Before I went to Nosara I was around 210-215, when I started this journey on February 13, I was just under 200.  I had an epiphany when it comes to my body.  I always hit this certain point and can't move past it, I end up sabotaging myself and feeling as though I have to eat everything in the world.  Weightwise it is when I get to about 190, energeticallywise it is when people start commenting on how good I look and ask what I have been doing and it is as if I feel I don't deserve to look the best I can be...I'm finally getting through that and not going to let myself down because I believe in me and I know how amazing I feel already in just these 7 days...pictures:

Day 10
I have been absolutely going off on salads.  My teacher Mark told me about the energy that goes into food preparation and that he doesn't let anyone cut his fruit.  Now this was about a year ago that I remember him speaking about this and it taking that long for me truly process.  I had already cut meat out of my diet.  I started one at a time, pork was the easiest when the one I used to love informed me more about what they do to it and what it used to be used for back in slave days.  Red meat was next.  I never thought I would give up chicken or fish then one at a time they disappeared out of my life.  When I met Jaimy, a female teacher of mine and amazing friend, she taught be about veganism.  She taught me about the intention behind removing something from my diet or life.  I love animals, therefore I don't wish them to get harmed or killed for me to function because it is unnecessary.  Back to the energy put into your food when it is prepared.  Mark told me also about when Chelah makes kale salad she literally massages every piece with oil...imagine the love and goodness and time it takes for that.  In my research I read if you imagine the longer someone spends preparing your food, i.e. its going to take longer to cut smaller pieces, then the less energy your body has to take to digest it.  This is also a huge point in fasting or cleansing, all the energy your body takes to digest is free for to spend on what you really want, not just food trying to be broken down. I have gotten hugggely into my salad making skills.  As an effect of me becoming more conscious, my family also has joined in.  My mom now buys way more greens, things that are fresh and organic she actually looks at now, our house smells so much better.  Think about when you go in the grocery store, how much happier the store is in the produce live section than in the dead boxed preservative sections. And then ponder what to put into your temple.  My teacher Jano shared what his teacher shared with him, something to the effect of... "if you imagine your body as a temple and eat all fruits and vegetables then your inside will be a gorgeous garden, where if you eat meat and animal products its a cemetery of animal carcass, where do you feel the Divine wants to reside more?' My father has started preparing me raw meals!  Today I had made myself an amazing salad for lunch:  kale massaged with roasted red pepper olive oil, red vein spinach, cilantro, avocado, walnuts, grapes, strawberries, pickled garlic and homemade salsa! thats the first picture me and my ensalada! and then went to eat dinner with my poppers and fam where he made an incredible salad with tons of raw veggies and marnitated raw portabello mushrooms!!!! There is a picture of me and Mark(not my teacher Mark) with our dinner and then for dessert:Dad also made raw mango icecream with a honey almond cream topping!

Raw Mango IceCream....Prolly tastes better than it looks:)

Day 11

I have not been practicing very much.  I hurt my tailbone before day one of this.  I fell down the stairs...yes don't worry my big brother has already mentioned several times that I teach balance and yet I lost mine down the stairs.  I was thinking about numerous things and how I was going to accomplish all of it, and bam straight on my bum I fell I believe a couple times I hit....I had Poples(my laptop) in my hands and I threw him up so I could land backward instead of face first.  I ended up having my babybro help me get up, relearn how to walk and sit...I thought I would be broken for awhile.  I realized my lesson in it is that, I tend to not do things in the correct order.  Sometimes I move so fast, I skip steps and altho its good...it's not the best it could have been or I end up doing it over and learning the same lesson. Perfect example is Hanumanasana, in the past it's been a posture that I cheated, going around my hamstring opening I could use the backbend and how open my quad was in the back leg to slide out my front leg to seem like the front splits like this first picture

In class on Tuesday night, my body was feeling very light very open, and I saw my highestself expressing each posture to God at my most high capability.  Then it was time for the splits.  I saw my self doing the front splits left leg forward and lifting both arms(if you've never lifted your arms before the added weight helps to sink into the posture and create pressure with lift if you're breathing correctly.  My hands came to my heart and I was fully expressed and happy actually feeling the back of my left thigh flush to the floor and the front of my right thigh flush, just as Kristyan said the words, for the thousandth time I heard it and for first time I really really felt it.  We then went to the side splits, what my Guru calls perfect angle posture, as he commanded it I slid into it, & my knees started touching the mat...I felt wow that's interesting feeling just let go let go let go nothing more than my knees felt the mat though...we were then instructed to go on to the next posture which was Hanumanasana on the other side, Right Leg Forward.  I saw myself in it again, and got there, this is the hamstring, the Right one that I pulled when I did the posture the cheater way, and I let that get me even farther from opening.  As I felt my opposite quad and hamstring flush to the floor on this side as well a huge release came.  We were in the posture for what I believed to be the full duration and I got my hands to my heart.  Then Guru came up behind me, he instructed me to lift my hands over head...I did, next instruction start to look backward and tuck my left toes, my mind for a moment thought no effing way, right as he tucked my left toes for me. Then, I got to a spot in my back that felt as though there was no going past it, I went the yogi way straight thru it, as I did I started to lose some balance and teeter so I placed my left hand on the ground to help and as I looked over my eyebrows could see Guru, and then there was my left heel...OMG at that point the union to Guru, God, Self, everyone in the class and the universe was full beam.  Next instruction grab on with your right hand.  As I did, he helped make sure I used my thumb with my fingers, as he always instructs as a hook and not to leave out any part of the body.  I started to lift my left hand away from the floor to join the right one that was hooked all the way over and the balance got me again, so Guru came around the front of me to put pressure on my front leg so I would be balanced enough to really lift my left hand and connect it with the right...I DID.  And I took a breath!  I can't even put into words the feelings I felt and then it was on to the next....perfect angle posture one more time, allowing the body to make a perfect angle with the floor in the side splits..second set.  So this set, he gave the option to do the prep instead of the full splits...I understood this was not direction for me as I saw myself in full splits already so I chose not to get fearful and go back to the prep...so out slid my 5 ft long legs(ok maybe they are only 4 feet) and I got to that same point where my knees were touching and then just let go...all of a sudden my inner thighs were touching and then my heart was surrendered to the floor as I was in full sidesplits... once again full union=YOGA....Getting out was a rough spot, as I was already in tears due to all the amazing opening, releases and achievement, "walk your legs together till you have enough support to stand" was the direction, I took my time, followed the instructions and finished one of the most enLIGHTening classes I had yet experienced.

Have fun with your salads!  I throw tons of stuff in mine, anyone that knows how I cook knows I like to invent new things and mix things most normal peeps wouldn't want to!  Try it stoke off have fun with it!  Let salads and superfood smoothies be a better addiction for you!

Day 12, 

Yesterday, my tire blew out...now some people might get upset or frustrated, the thing about it was I had a session the day before with my hypnotherapist, Ms. Cory Cochiolo you can check out her website as: www.wisdomfromhome.com. If ever you've craved guidance on your spiritual path or in meditation, or past life regression, I could not recommend a more well trained or kinder being to assist you in your journey. During the sessions we hit spots about how I was not feeling right about driving because of my courtcase that was pending with my dui, also that it was hard for me to ask for help from others, and we also connected to a spot of when I was in 6th grade and had hip surgery, I grew too fast and "had" to have a screw put in my growth plate to keep it from completely slipping off(imagine an ice cream cone is what the joint is comparable too, and my scoop was slippppppin!) This happened in 6th grade and when I came back to school I was on crutches yet none of the kids believed I was injured because I didn't have a cast(the only thing they knew as something to merit crutches) and I ended up losing all my "friends".  I never realized how much this hurt me and how it paralleled my current situation.  As I am going through the charges for a DUI I contracted this last October 1st 2011, the monumental moves I have made within seem some what unbelievable to some of my family members or others that are not as spiritual as I.  My big bro is and always will be the man I look up too, he has been my best friend and there for me in every way his heart could possibly allow him, however I felt even he was doubting where the intentions of my decisions were coming from.  During the hypnosis session we asked the universe what I needed to clean first and the answer was Bobbi(my van in case you forgot already) when did it need to be done by, answer Friday.  I quit drinking that day, I learned alcohol is not for my body or heart, and was masking way too many things I needed to actually go through if I want to genuinely help myself and serve others.  When I removed alcohol from my life that day, everything else came easy...now even though I had made the change within, I still have to deal with the legal consequences of my actions, and so I was balancing be put back into the system with keeping my new found Light.  So back to the tire, when I told my therapist about it she said, which tire.  I said the rear left, she said ok that's your feminine side root (it was my left hip again in case you forgot already that I have a screw in), we just spoke about this right? and what did it stop you from doing? "driving" I said, and what are you going to have to do now? "ask for help" I said....hmmmm.  Big brother ended up being the one that came through to save(clean) Bobbi, and yes today is Friday and we got her running again, and yes also had the best true conversation I had with Big bro I had ever had.  Who needs to get frustrated with a blown tire when that huge life lesson came through with it?  So thankful I took the time to see what's really going on, and how quickly the universe responded with why.

Day 14

Today we had a beach clean up and yoga session!  It was incredible day at the beach.  Kristyan asked Jaimy and I to roundrobin teach with him so the three of us took turns leading the asana until it was time to clean the beach.  It was super rad!  Everyone was stoked and we were able to pick up a lot of trash that would have gone into our precious water. On the walk back from picking up trash I had a perfect time learning and conversing with Kristyan.  With his guidance and support the things I am facing seem to fade as I realize  more and more it is just about loving and honoring myself and becoming a Billboard for God, like he told me in one of our first real talks.  In one of our more recent talks we discussed either committing to the Light or not, there is no halfway or else darkness gets in.

Grampy Fred and I

I and Kristyan

yoga=union

some of the kids getting ready to clean

a few of us ladies.

  Tomorrow I get to go to court to find out what I already saw is going to happen.  In the session with Cory, we asked many questions about if I should settle, what will be the outcome, if I will have to go to jail, all that good stuff.  So, I have faith God will take care of me and everything that will be will be as Grampy Fred says. 

Day 15

The court date:)  Now this is my second DUI I am facing, not to mention if you don't know me by now, I also had felony in 2008 during the time I was addicted to heroin for 2 and a half years.  I hired an attorney, Eric Ganci(I recommend him with my whole heart if ever you need assistance in a DUI case) who was and is a literal angel in my life.  On the last courtdate the DA wanted me to serve nothing less than 30 days in custody, we decided to set a new date 6 weeks later so I could do what I do and we would show the judge that it is much more beneficial to everyone if I continue my Light work out here rather than in custody. At that time the judge had asked of me to comply with 2 AA meetings a week.  Fastforward to today the 27th, I chose not to do the 2 AA meetings a week.  The Truth is I am working to get every aspect of myself together, emotional, physical and spiritual.  I don't believe AA is where I would save myself, I went once right after my dui and floated into a room filled with dark hopeless people speaking on past experiences, I decided I wanted to take action to make myself and future better, and so it is.  I stuck to my truth, the judge ended up not even asking for the AA meetings, the DA offered to let me wear an alcohol detector anklet for 90 days out here instead of doing 30 days in jail.  My attorney got them to cut one day out of the 4, I would have to serve in custody, and the community service down to 5 days instead of ten.  So with all the breath, support and love of my friends and family, I took the offer which Eric advised was best best case scenario for me and my record. Now I had to pick when I was going to go into the land of the dark, Las Colinas Detention Facility.  I chose to get it through with and go next weekend, Saturday March 3rd....

Day 17

I had a session with Cory today.  I cried all day with everyone, mostly because I wanted everyone to really truly know how much I loved them and that it hurt my heart to not have access to touch and talk to them even if only for 3 days. I told Cory I was scared, it has taken me a very long time to feel safe after what happened when I went away to college. When I went to Whittier College in 2005 a private university in East L.A. I also went through being raped.  When I came home from that I was a mess, that was when my health, morals and sanity pretty much were non-existence.  This was when I found my addiction to heroin and my ex-boyfriend, I used his love for myself instead of my own and in doing so completely lost who I was and anything I previously stood for.  In short, I did 3 and a half months in Las Colinas after finally getting caught stealing on February 9th 2008.  I was blessed to finally be forced into full blown heroin withdrawls while living in level 3 out of 4 in the county jail.  When I made it out of there, heroin was completely removed from my life, I did it twice while I was in custody and never again out here...you'll have to stay tuned for my book to come out for more details on that section of my life.  But here I am wondering how I would protect my light in the land of the dark since that whole safety issue was such a huge one for me. I went through many emotions today, most of which have to do with things I never went through from when I was in jail in 2008.  Tonight we had leapnight Align with the Stars Workshop, it could not have been a better time or vibe for what I was going through. Kristyan started with taking about all the downloads he received in the jungle for about an hour, then we did a meditation led by Ms. Cory partnered with the opposite sex holding their heart chakra to heal eachother and the earth, then we did candlelit yoga, where Kristyan, Jaimy and I tagteam taught again and adjusted while Victor and Paul shared their master drumming skills as our beat to teach by, as the drumming got more and more quiet, Devon then filled the silence with the singing bowl which is tuned to the heart chakra as well, then when Kristyan woke everyone from savasana he told them to allow themselves to be rebirthed into their brand new Lightbody.  It was an absolute stokefest, we even went 45 minutes longer than we had imagined for because it was cruising so well. 

Day 18

After the session last night I was better able to calm myself as far as knowing that it was all going to be good, and all the safety in the world was in God and in my heart already.  After God showed me who I needed to take me and drop me off  to my 72hour sentence I was once again at peace when it was agreed upon and felt by both of us, this choice is a part of my journey where I may not go into as much detail because I wish to keep it in it's sacred place. I knew that I could not have had better company, love, positive vibes and guidance for what I was going to have to go through with.  Now it is less than 48 hours that I have to turn myself in, I was told to be at Las Colinas by 9am on March 3rd.  Now the most interesting part of all of this is last time I was worried about drugs and not being able to use while I was in there.  This time, I decided I will be fasting and not using any of the poisonous hygiene products they distribute in there to the best of my ability.  Have been stoking off on the superfood smoothies to help prepare my body even more although I am in the absolute best shape of my life and at the moment I have no doubt that I will go in there, do what I am meant to do and be out.  I feel there is a much bigger purpose for me going in there, as I have already quit drinking and learned the lesson that was intended, I understand that I am not only going in for myself.  Also in my session with Cory I was able to really see what I was meant to do in there and what will happen.

Day 19

Today is an extremely interesting one....I worked this morning, pulled in with Jim, aka Pops..the big boss of the studio and the gentle fatherlike figure that has trusted and supported me since he's met me. Cried on that one.  Then I went home handled a couple of things, and then over to Jaimy and Victor's for a massage.  Victor gave me an hour massage and I felt him as he described putting the muscles back into the right place of my body.  I have found new spots in my body, bones that never appeared before, and space I didn't know existed.  It's a whole new type of growth.  During my massage I had huge releases and cried a lot, I got several visions and felt all the love and masculine energy work power Victor put into me to help me stay protected through these 72 hours.  After the massage I went to my dad's, where my mom, dad, M.A.(dad's gf), my Grampy, and my Aunt Laura and Uncle Dean were gathered.  My dad was making me stuffed raw portabello mushrooms to share with my friends after teaching the candlelit session at 7pm.

The Fajer getting down, he is not raw nor close to vegetarian yet invented these fantastic open faced portabello sandwiches for me for my last supper:)  He also made a cold soup that was incredible! I would share the recipes with you but he doesn't go by recipes or ever remember how he makes anything cause it's just with his heart he cooks.

final layer of sprouts yes pleasasssssse!

After picking up the goodies and hanging with the fam for awhile I went to the studio, Cory and I were preparing to teach the 7pm class. We have been doing the first Friday of the month together, where she does the first 45 minutes of meditation and then I do the last 45 minutes.  It came to her that we would be talking about equity this week.  It was absolutely perfect, we did equity and abundance, the meditation was key in beaming me off right, and getting blessed to teach one last time was an honor.  After the class I ended up going over to Jaimy and Victor's, Kristie and Jesse came too, Kristie made cookies!  OMG I was trying to fill myself up with goodness knowing that I wasn't going to eat for 72hours. Spoke to my friend that was taking me up one more time and agreed we'd meet at the studio at 8 in the morning and go from there, then I went home pretty early, ready to snuggle with my cat Slinky and pull in tight for one last night.  Also different from last time, as before I would have wanted to be sleeping with some guy that doesn't deserve my for a night trying to fill some sort of void that needed to be filled by me anyway, this time I just wanted real love, my cat.

Slinkers and I

Last 11:11pm con BabyKrishna before turning myself in, also the last four of my Drivers License, 1111, also the date for
when we went to COSTA RICAAAA, 111111

Day 20

Today is the Day.  I didn't sleep very much last night, this morning I woke up ready to enema, meditate and download.  I did 3 coffee enemas, the third was mostly water, I got extremely cleansed and as always have some sort of epiphany after removing so many toxins. What came to me was what I had to write for my friend that was taking me.  I completed the last meditation with my mala for now, with I Love you Lord 108 times.  I completed the writing for my friend that included the simple ways to use his senses and admire the things in which I would only feel through him and those closest to me that are going to remain out here while I go into the land of the dark.  

Day 24

I got out yesterday morning at around 7:04am, whose counting(equals 11 in case u missed that)?  What I went through in there and the ride home will remain sacred for now, but know that my journey in custody will be fully expressed in my book....The book was the reason I had to go back into the land of the dark.  I know that to be true now and am grateful for the things I have seen and the ways I have grown.  I met more of my angels in there and was able to eat some fruit instead of fasting the entire time as I had thought.  I drank maybe a total of 1 quart of water in 72 hours, as I know what they add to the water and the effect on the inmates who are unaware.  The most disheartening of the whole experience was the way I was treated by the deputies.  I broke down yesterday, when I was finally free and able to be in the arms of my friend that picked me up, I absolutely lost it.  I felt I was at my absolute most vulnerable and worst state, yet there I was being hugged, loved and offered cacao and kombucha the only things we both knew I wanted or needed.  We went straight to the school where everyone was getting ready for our Tues Training of the Teachers.  I was able to hug all my friends, lovers, fellow teachers, brothers, sisters or whatever you wish to label those who love me as.  I first washed my feet, they were dirty and bloody from the shoes in there not fitting. I got to brush my teeth!  The toothpaste in there was 22% Flouride and I am sure the water made up the other 78% and there was no way that was going into me, so I had been using apples, oranges and a little water to wash my mouth.  It felt amazing, my friend Rory makes toothpaste and lotion if ever you are looking for a natural source, he is it, let me know if you need to place an order.  Then Kristyan and I went to grab some raw tacos and cacao tart...ooooo and a shake!  It was the best!!!  Exactly what my body needed as my heart was still going thru it.  When we got back to the studio I was going to write and decided to jump into the last part of the training instead.  I went through some of the flow I had done while I was in jail, I shared some stories.  My intention was for them all to know how much I love them and how much I realized what an honor it is to touch people especially with the gift I have been given in my hands.   I also wanted to share some of the downloads I received in there, mostly was getting to the deepest part of my meditation, and that we are not to lose the breath at any point no matter what your surroundings are.  One of the other huge downloads I wanted to share with my fellow teachers was LOTUS. While in jail I lifted my lotus for the first time ever and learned it's importance.  I hope they felt my intentions and heard what I saw, because once again I knew I was not in there only for myself.  After training I was able to hang out in the cave and relax.  I don't know if you know what relaxation is, I don't know that I knew what relaxation was, but I do now.  I then got to each the 5pm, it was so fun!  After the 7pm I had enough left in me to take Kristyan's class, which was a given and something that I had been looking forward to for what seemed like years.  The class was off the HOOK Greatness.  I have no idea what we did or didn't do.  All I know is I felt brand new.  I felt like I was giving and doing the very best in every possible way in case it was the last, and I was open to soaking up all the knowledge and philosophy Guru dropped during the session.  My heart is dancing.

Day 25

It's pretty rad to have an actual waistline....COCONUUUUTS!

Day 26

And this is when I met my new boyfriend of 90 days, Liam.  This is the alcohol detector bracelet that I was sentenced to wear for 90 days.  Cory blessed it and I named him so that I can see the Light in the situation. Liam vibrates every 30 minutes as he takes a sample of my sweat, so I use that vibration to say a positive affirmation for myself and something healing for the earth, its quite powerful, you should try it ever 30 minutes at least and don't wait till you have to get one of these fancy anklets to remind you.

The following is an unedited excerpt from my book.  After I got home from Cory blessing my anklet Liam and helping her with the finishing paint touches in her room, I did an enema and this is what I wrote afterward and right before I left to teach the Friday night candlelit at 7pm:

3.9.12

Got my anklet today about 4 hours ago.  I feel the entire point of me wearing this alcohol detecting bracelet was to meet Chris my case worker.  He was wearing a black shirt and dark colored pants, his eyes were beautiful until he spoke he was a completely fear pumped robot.  I noticed a tattoo on the back of his left bicep, so naturally the first thing I asked was what it meant.  He said it was 6 symbols grouped in two.  The first group meaning family, the second meaning faith and the third success.  His beliefs: if you have family and faith you have success.  He was explaining all the rules of my new friend, Liam, that will be attached to my physical being for the next 89 days.  He said that it detects alcohol by a “pump drawing a sample” of my sweat every 30 minutes.   I asked what kind of pump, and he repeated, a “pump draws a sample…”  I said, how does it take the information from my skin I don’t understand.  I explained to him that I don’t even sleep with my phone or my laptop, so I was a little freaked to have this electronic thing on me and wanted to understand.  He had no response, just that I should be fine.  I asked what else it was made of besides plastic, he smiled the kind of smile like he had no idea why I would care plastic was going to be attached to me for 89 more days.  I explained that I don’t even drink out of plastic bottles and am working to remove plastic entirely from the rest of my existence here on earth.  He said it’s plastic, gave that smile again and said, you should be fine.  I said, you’re asking me to attach something to my body and you don’t even know what’s in it, and you’re only worried about alcohol?  I am conscious of everything going in and on my body, not just alcohol….He said well this piece also has metal, surgical steel.  I started tearing up, and I said, wow I don’t even wear metal anymore unless it has a deeper meaning for me because who or where it came from.  At this point I started looking more out the window at the leaves than believing anything Chris told me.  He said, “are you ok? Well maybe not ok looks like you have a lot of opinions but you should be fine.”  I said, “it’s not opinions, these are my BELIEFS.  He had no response, and then we started going over the hygiene.  I said look, I use coconut oil, dr. bronners, lemons, and toothpaste my friend makes me.  He said wow then you’re not going to have to change much. He said, “any perfume you wear be car…“ I said “I don’t wear perfume.”  He said, “if you wear socks make sur…. “I said “I don’t even ever wear shoes 99% of the time.”  He said Liam is water resistant but not waterproof( I had already made my heart ok with no ocean or soaking for 89 more days)  Chris then said while washing in the shower, don’t spend any more than 15-20 seconds on the area and by no means put anything between your skin and the bracelet or else it will look like tampering and the police will be at your door to take you into custody. A few more of the same type if you do this which I don’t so then he said, you are by far the most interesting client I have ever had.  I asked if he liked doing his job.  He said that he liked people and that he had a degree in criminal justice so why not use it while he was trying to get more into the system to work with people and their probation.  He asked how long I had been this natural way.  I explained I quit drinking alcohol  on October 1st when I got this DUI and it was an absolutely blessing, then in November I went to Costa Rica and my life changed even more, I was able to live without excess and see a true community that loved and helped each other whether it was stopping to change a tire with a neighbor, or a complete stranger wanting to honor me with a foot massage because I am a woman.  He asked how long I was there, I said ten days and asked if he had ever been.  He said no, and I said it’s a must that it completely changed the meaning of words like beautiful, tranquil and peace.  We then got back to the bracelet.  He explained if I were to travel out of state I had to let him know, I asked what about out of the country he said that’s not allowed, and neither is Hawaii…..I swallowed that one for a minute.  We went over countless other rules and regulations, like that I have to be near the station at 3am every morning for it to download all the samples to send to him.  I said so then this isn’t house arrest though?  He said well it’s not a curfew you can pick whatever time you want….I said well I have to be home by that time so how is it not a curfew….You should be fine…So I initialed away as he “explained” some more things to me.  He explained if I am to lose or keep the bracelet I can be charged with grand theft, hahaha I said no worries in no way do I plan on keeping Liam when I am done with him. Then it came time for  him to place the anklet on me.  I looked at it sitting on the desk and said “How crazy that humans made that for humans.”  He then started to put gloves on before he put it on me, and must have seen my face because he started to say, it’s a necessary precaution.  I said, a precaution for what? He said well you know some people have hepititas or hiv and if there is a cut or whatever it can transfer.  And I said do you think I do, and he said no, and I said ok then a precaution for what?  And he said well even in jail you know the deputies wear them.  I said, yes I have been in jail, matter of fact just a few days ago, and before then for 3 and a half months in 2008, not all the deputies wear gloves.  He said well I choose too, and I said ok that’s what I was asking it’s your choice.  I asked if I could choose which ankle to put it on he said it goes on the inside of your right one unless you have a medical condition prohibiting it.  I said well, I want to ask if I can put it on my left side my feminine side for giving, because my right side is for receiving and I don’t want to receive anything from it.  He said that’s not a medical condition and as much as he doesn’t judge about ones beliefs he has to keep it secular in his office.  I said wow that’s too bad you choose to keep it like that around you.  He said well it’s my job and until I have another one that’s how I have to be.  I said that sucks that you feel you have to act that way, whether it’s a job or not.  He then kneeled down in front of me with his gloves on to attach Liam.  It was interesting because of the positions we were in, normally this would be an honor to have a man kneel down in front of me and in my normal life he would be taking care with touching or massaging my feet not using gross gloves to touch another human being that is in no way a threat to him.  So I get Liam off on June 6, 2012 at 1pm, until then he will be part of my light journey.

The 7pm class I got to teach was epic!  I didn't even feel Liam, the vibration I was on was soo much Higher, God and the Universe completely spoke through me and the candles mixed with the asana, plus Guru came to class and brought a friend from Costa Rica, was all completely honored and humbled.  

Day 27

Today is the 27th day, I am 27 years old plus deciding to start on the date that ended up adding to 27 pulls this whole thing together today. I got to sleep in today!  Felt amazing!!! Went over to dad's house around 4 to celebrate M.A.'s bday and see some fam, he made some more magic mushrooms for me and my friends

Here are a couple pictures from Nosara, this was somewhere around 11/14/11 the first time I stood up in the ocean, check out my body, then followed by pictures in the same suit bottoms on 3/10/12! No photoshop kids, except for the Nosara ones, I cropped so you could mostly just see me.

I weighed in this morning at 174.  I have no idea the last time I got to appreciate that weight.  I know when I was using heroin I got tiny in the ugliest unhealthiest way, and now doing it the optimal way while enjoying the daily changes is a great experience.  I love myself and the journey only continues to get better and better.

day 27

day 27