Up until this point in my life, I have lived a weight battle, have done everything....yes everything you could imagine, to lose weight in my life. I have gone up and down, and all around, and I have finally decided I am ready for my LIGHT JOURNEY. One of my teachers said, "my body changed and opened more in 30 days of changing my diet to raw than in 4 years of yoga"-Mark. So, here we are, since Costa Rica I have been on a path of working through what truly works for me and doesn't work for me in an honest way. Removing alcohol intake from my life has been the quickest way to lighten my journey on all levels; physically, emotionally, spiritually and so on. After I quit drinking, my guru led me to start really analyzing the emotions I was feeling when I was craving alcohol because it wasn't the taste of the beverage I wanted or minerals I was receiving from what I was partaking, it was way deeper and darker of course. Getting alcohol out of the way, I am blessed to already be at a point where I don't let it tempt me. I have fully accepted that I truly am not my best most highest self when alcohol is involved. In my journey there has been God, Me, and Yoga, Yoga means UNION. So why in the world would I do anything that is not based on my highest self and leads me further away from God instead of uniting you ask? So begins my light journey. I am setting no rules, no perimeters, just love. I feel if I truly love myself, I will heal myself and the answers will come to me. While we were in Nosara, Costa Rica for the first yoga/surf retreat of Kristyan and Mark, I learned that I wanted to bring back a better me. I didn't want to spend money on things that would get lost or maybe only treasured by those who received them for a short period of time. This was an interesting lesson for me to learn, as I am an ultimate giver literally to the determent of self in my past. So instead of buying gifts for everyone I figured out with Chelah(THE nutritionist guru) with how much money I had left what I could invest in myself as far as the raw diet or juices and smoothies. We figured out that a green juice and green smoothie a day would be perfect for how hard I was already detoxing(you will come to know a different meaning for this word than you may be used to if you continue to follow me). We were blessed with 2 yoga sessions a day, plus surfing or ocean time, plus putting in work in whatever other way one needed. The green juice and superfood smoothie kept me going. Our meals were prepared by lovely Costa Rican women every day as we practiced yoga to the sunset in the spaceship. After the first and second day I stuck to eating what was raw of what they served. I had coffee once while I was there, as coffee has played a role in my addictive personality, I limit my consumption, we'll speak more on that also...don't worry:) As we would be out in our day and it was all of us in a place where you don't travel more than 15 mph ever, where the town is smaller than my elementary school was, and the power and pull of the ocean is all around, these superfood smoothies really synced with me. There were times when I would be in the ocean for a couple minutes and realize it was not the time because my body was exhauusted, I would have a smoothie and be ready for the evening yoga session before dinner. I feel incorporating these types of smoothies into my daily life back here in California will keep my soul in paradise and my body at peace.
Day 2
I realized that first thing in the morning is the best to bring joy into my being, in whatever way works. I had the best dance party ever on the morning of day 2. I sang to God, I hung out with Slinkers(my cat you'll get to know her) Slinky has shown me what love is, no matter where I come from, what I did, how I feel, how I smell, or where I am going, she is down to post up, purr and just make me happy. True unconditional love. On this second day was also Valentines day. I love making things, either by putting things together I've never seen, colors that come to me that want to be united, materials, shapes, pieces I have picked up from other parts of my life. I went got stoked off at Michael's and grabbed many different things for many different projects. Ended up working on some Valentine Love, and receiving some love through Cacao. If you are interested in getting to know yourself and bettering everything you do and everyone you come across, the best advice straight from myheart is get to know what Cacao is and have it in your life somehow some way every single day. I was blessed with the best valetines gift ever, homemade raw cacao coconut fudge and strawberries covered in the fudge. I had eaten only liquids: superfood smoothies, greenjuices and tea until this point, and wow did it make it even better. I had also been doing a daily enema in the mornings(which once again we will get more into that as well...)
Day 3
I decided my superfood smoothie today was inspired by the chocolate covered strawberries, so the first recipe I made was, strawberries, banana, yacon, goji berries, cacao, coconut water and meat, sea salt. It was amazing, perhaps because of the inspiration but it was fantastic. Superfood smoothies, cacao and Kombucha daily are the major changes I feel my body is desiring in order to maintain a lifestyle. I didnt want to just write about a fast, or a cleanse, or starvation or other ways I may have unhealthily lost weight in the past...I want to write about my life style, how it is just being and committed to the Light. Light=God.
Day 4
I had real avocado with Cheesy kale chips mixed in. This was amazinnnnng! I have started to add more things to my intake. Mostly superfood smoothies and salads. I have many recipes to share. The most important thing to share I got off of a David Wolfe video when he was preparing Superfood smoothies. He speaks about Cacao and cayenne, he also speaks about using what you have. A recipe is not needed. You know what you have in your house use it, or if you are feeling you need something else....then get it for yourself. It's really that simple when you start getting down to the pure goodness. It's like protein, so often as a vegetarian I get asked where I get my protein from or if I have enough etc. the way it was explained to me by my teachers is imagine the cow gets its protein from the grass so when you eat the cow you get second hand protein, I go straight to the grass and get the first hand protein. Greens greens greens greens. There is so much protein in everything and protein is not the only thing one should consider, its silly how important that has been made to Americans, there are plenty of other factors in our diet that we should research as well.
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| KOMBUCHA-if you don't know about it find out NOW |
Day 7
Within the first day I noticed changes in my body. I have been taking time to soak and come to remember how sacred and beneficial bath time is. It truly does wonders for the body, skin and heart. My eyes have changed, my skin has gotten more clear. I dry brush before I get in the water every day, partly because I truly believe we can shape our body exactly how we want. I was 256 pounds at one point in my life, the highest I have ever seen on a scale I was standing on, there is a picture of me in that space of my life. That was after I gave up my addiction to heroin and before I found yoga...you can see the darkness in the picture
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| 256lbs and no I never had a baby...that was all toxins this was circa 2009 pre yoga |
With my new found path and journey I decided that I didn't want to weigh very much if ever because it becomes an obsession with me where I end up getting on every day and punishing myself if I didn't see a change within a day. Before I went to Nosara I was around 210-215, when I started this journey on February 13, I was just under 200. I had an epiphany when it comes to my body. I always hit this certain point and can't move past it, I end up sabotaging myself and feeling as though I have to eat everything in the world. Weightwise it is when I get to about 190, energeticallywise it is when people start commenting on how good I look and ask what I have been doing and it is as if I feel I don't deserve to look the best I can be...I'm finally getting through that and not going to let myself down because I believe in me and I know how amazing I feel already in just these 7 days...pictures:
Day 10
I have been absolutely going off on salads. My teacher Mark told me about the energy that goes into food preparation and that he doesn't let anyone cut his fruit. Now this was about a year ago that I remember him speaking about this and it taking that long for me truly process. I had already cut meat out of my diet. I started one at a time, pork was the easiest when the one I used to love informed me more about what they do to it and what it used to be used for back in slave days. Red meat was next. I never thought I would give up chicken or fish then one at a time they disappeared out of my life. When I met Jaimy, a female teacher of mine and amazing friend, she taught be about veganism. She taught me about the intention behind removing something from my diet or life. I love animals, therefore I don't wish them to get harmed or killed for me to function because it is unnecessary. Back to the energy put into your food when it is prepared. Mark told me also about when Chelah makes kale salad she literally massages every piece with oil...imagine the love and goodness and time it takes for that. In my research I read if you imagine the longer someone spends preparing your food, i.e. its going to take longer to cut smaller pieces, then the less energy your body has to take to digest it. This is also a huge point in fasting or cleansing, all the energy your body takes to digest is free for to spend on what you really want, not just food trying to be broken down. I have gotten hugggely into my salad making skills. As an effect of me becoming more conscious, my family also has joined in. My mom now buys way more greens, things that are fresh and organic she actually looks at now, our house smells so much better. Think about when you go in the grocery store, how much happier the store is in the produce live section than in the dead boxed preservative sections. And then ponder what to put into your temple. My teacher Jano shared what his teacher shared with him, something to the effect of... "if you imagine your body as a temple and eat all fruits and vegetables then your inside will be a gorgeous garden, where if you eat meat and animal products its a cemetery of animal carcass, where do you feel the Divine wants to reside more?' My father has started preparing me raw meals! Today I had made myself an amazing salad for lunch: kale massaged with roasted red pepper olive oil, red vein spinach, cilantro, avocado, walnuts, grapes, strawberries, pickled garlic and homemade salsa! thats the first picture me and my ensalada! and then went to eat dinner with my poppers and fam where he made an incredible salad with tons of raw veggies and marnitated raw portabello mushrooms!!!! There is a picture of me and Mark(not my teacher Mark) with our dinner and then for dessert:Dad also made raw mango icecream with a honey almond cream topping!
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| Raw Mango IceCream....Prolly tastes better than it looks:) |
I have not been practicing very much. I hurt my tailbone before day one of this. I fell down the stairs...yes don't worry my big brother has already mentioned several times that I teach balance and yet I lost mine down the stairs. I was thinking about numerous things and how I was going to accomplish all of it, and bam straight on my bum I fell I believe a couple times I hit....I had Poples(my laptop) in my hands and I threw him up so I could land backward instead of face first. I ended up having my babybro help me get up, relearn how to walk and sit...I thought I would be broken for awhile. I realized my lesson in it is that, I tend to not do things in the correct order. Sometimes I move so fast, I skip steps and altho its good...it's not the best it could have been or I end up doing it over and learning the same lesson. Perfect example is Hanumanasana, in the past it's been a posture that I cheated, going around my hamstring opening I could use the backbend and how open my quad was in the back leg to slide out my front leg to seem like the front splits like this first picture
In class on Tuesday night, my body was feeling very light very open, and I saw my highestself expressing each posture to God at my most high capability. Then it was time for the splits. I saw my self doing the front splits left leg forward and lifting both arms(if you've never lifted your arms before the added weight helps to sink into the posture and create pressure with lift if you're breathing correctly. My hands came to my heart and I was fully expressed and happy actually feeling the back of my left thigh flush to the floor and the front of my right thigh flush, just as Kristyan said the words, for the thousandth time I heard it and for first time I really really felt it. We then went to the side splits, what my Guru calls perfect angle posture, as he commanded it I slid into it, & my knees started touching the mat...I felt wow that's interesting feeling just let go let go let go nothing more than my knees felt the mat though...we were then instructed to go on to the next posture which was Hanumanasana on the other side, Right Leg Forward. I saw myself in it again, and got there, this is the hamstring, the Right one that I pulled when I did the posture the cheater way, and I let that get me even farther from opening. As I felt my opposite quad and hamstring flush to the floor on this side as well a huge release came. We were in the posture for what I believed to be the full duration and I got my hands to my heart. Then Guru came up behind me, he instructed me to lift my hands over head...I did, next instruction start to look backward and tuck my left toes, my mind for a moment thought no effing way, right as he tucked my left toes for me. Then, I got to a spot in my back that felt as though there was no going past it, I went the yogi way straight thru it, as I did I started to lose some balance and teeter so I placed my left hand on the ground to help and as I looked over my eyebrows could see Guru, and then there was my left heel...OMG at that point the union to Guru, God, Self, everyone in the class and the universe was full beam. Next instruction grab on with your right hand. As I did, he helped make sure I used my thumb with my fingers, as he always instructs as a hook and not to leave out any part of the body. I started to lift my left hand away from the floor to join the right one that was hooked all the way over and the balance got me again, so Guru came around the front of me to put pressure on my front leg so I would be balanced enough to really lift my left hand and connect it with the right...I DID. And I took a breath! I can't even put into words the feelings I felt and then it was on to the next....perfect angle posture one more time, allowing the body to make a perfect angle with the floor in the side splits..second set. So this set, he gave the option to do the prep instead of the full splits...I understood this was not direction for me as I saw myself in full splits already so I chose not to get fearful and go back to the prep...so out slid my 5 ft long legs(ok maybe they are only 4 feet) and I got to that same point where my knees were touching and then just let go...all of a sudden my inner thighs were touching and then my heart was surrendered to the floor as I was in full sidesplits... once again full union=YOGA....Getting out was a rough spot, as I was already in tears due to all the amazing opening, releases and achievement, "walk your legs together till you have enough support to stand" was the direction, I took my time, followed the instructions and finished one of the most enLIGHTening classes I had yet experienced.
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| Have fun with your salads! I throw tons of stuff in mine, anyone that knows how I cook knows I like to invent new things and mix things most normal peeps wouldn't want to! Try it stoke off have fun with it! Let salads and superfood smoothies be a better addiction for you! |
Day 12,
Yesterday, my tire blew out...now some people might get upset or frustrated, the thing about it was I had a session the day before with my hypnotherapist, Ms. Cory Cochiolo you can check out her website as: www.wisdomfromhome.com. If ever you've craved guidance on your spiritual path or in meditation, or past life regression, I could not recommend a more well trained or kinder being to assist you in your journey. During the sessions we hit spots about how I was not feeling right about driving because of my courtcase that was pending with my dui, also that it was hard for me to ask for help from others, and we also connected to a spot of when I was in 6th grade and had hip surgery, I grew too fast and "had" to have a screw put in my growth plate to keep it from completely slipping off(imagine an ice cream cone is what the joint is comparable too, and my scoop was slippppppin!) This happened in 6th grade and when I came back to school I was on crutches yet none of the kids believed I was injured because I didn't have a cast(the only thing they knew as something to merit crutches) and I ended up losing all my "friends". I never realized how much this hurt me and how it paralleled my current situation. As I am going through the charges for a DUI I contracted this last October 1st 2011, the monumental moves I have made within seem some what unbelievable to some of my family members or others that are not as spiritual as I. My big bro is and always will be the man I look up too, he has been my best friend and there for me in every way his heart could possibly allow him, however I felt even he was doubting where the intentions of my decisions were coming from. During the hypnosis session we asked the universe what I needed to clean first and the answer was Bobbi(my van in case you forgot already) when did it need to be done by, answer Friday. I quit drinking that day, I learned alcohol is not for my body or heart, and was masking way too many things I needed to actually go through if I want to genuinely help myself and serve others. When I removed alcohol from my life that day, everything else came easy...now even though I had made the change within, I still have to deal with the legal consequences of my actions, and so I was balancing be put back into the system with keeping my new found Light. So back to the tire, when I told my therapist about it she said, which tire. I said the rear left, she said ok that's your feminine side root (it was my left hip again in case you forgot already that I have a screw in), we just spoke about this right? and what did it stop you from doing? "driving" I said, and what are you going to have to do now? "ask for help" I said....hmmmm. Big brother ended up being the one that came through to save(clean) Bobbi, and yes today is Friday and we got her running again, and yes also had the best true conversation I had with Big bro I had ever had. Who needs to get frustrated with a blown tire when that huge life lesson came through with it? So thankful I took the time to see what's really going on, and how quickly the universe responded with why.
Day 14
Today we had a beach clean up and yoga session! It was incredible day at the beach. Kristyan asked Jaimy and I to roundrobin teach with him so the three of us took turns leading the asana until it was time to clean the beach. It was super rad! Everyone was stoked and we were able to pick up a lot of trash that would have gone into our precious water. On the walk back from picking up trash I had a perfect time learning and conversing with Kristyan. With his guidance and support the things I am facing seem to fade as I realize more and more it is just about loving and honoring myself and becoming a Billboard for God, like he told me in one of our first real talks. In one of our more recent talks we discussed either committing to the Light or not, there is no halfway or else darkness gets in.
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| Grampy Fred and I |
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| I and Kristyan |
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| yoga=union |
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| some of the kids getting ready to clean |
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| a few of us ladies. |
Tomorrow I get to go to court to find out what I already saw is going to happen. In the session with Cory, we asked many questions about if I should settle, what will be the outcome, if I will have to go to jail, all that good stuff. So, I have faith God will take care of me and everything that will be will be as Grampy Fred says.
Day 15
The court date:) Now this is my second DUI I am facing, not to mention if you don't know me by now, I also had felony in 2008 during the time I was addicted to heroin for 2 and a half years. I hired an attorney, Eric Ganci(I recommend him with my whole heart if ever you need assistance in a DUI case) who was and is a literal angel in my life. On the last courtdate the DA wanted me to serve nothing less than 30 days in custody, we decided to set a new date 6 weeks later so I could do what I do and we would show the judge that it is much more beneficial to everyone if I continue my Light work out here rather than in custody. At that time the judge had asked of me to comply with 2 AA meetings a week. Fastforward to today the 27th, I chose not to do the 2 AA meetings a week. The Truth is I am working to get every aspect of myself together, emotional, physical and spiritual. I don't believe AA is where I would save myself, I went once right after my dui and floated into a room filled with dark hopeless people speaking on past experiences, I decided I wanted to take action to make myself and future better, and so it is. I stuck to my truth, the judge ended up not even asking for the AA meetings, the DA offered to let me wear an alcohol detector anklet for 90 days out here instead of doing 30 days in jail. My attorney got them to cut one day out of the 4, I would have to serve in custody, and the community service down to 5 days instead of ten. So with all the breath, support and love of my friends and family, I took the offer which Eric advised was best best case scenario for me and my record. Now I had to pick when I was going to go into the land of the dark, Las Colinas Detention Facility. I chose to get it through with and go next weekend, Saturday March 3rd....
Day 17
I had a session with Cory today. I cried all day with everyone, mostly because I wanted everyone to really truly know how much I loved them and that it hurt my heart to not have access to touch and talk to them even if only for 3 days. I told Cory I was scared, it has taken me a very long time to feel safe after what happened when I went away to college. When I went to Whittier College in 2005 a private university in East L.A. I also went through being raped. When I came home from that I was a mess, that was when my health, morals and sanity pretty much were non-existence. This was when I found my addiction to heroin and my ex-boyfriend, I used his love for myself instead of my own and in doing so completely lost who I was and anything I previously stood for. In short, I did 3 and a half months in Las Colinas after finally getting caught stealing on February 9th 2008. I was blessed to finally be forced into full blown heroin withdrawls while living in level 3 out of 4 in the county jail. When I made it out of there, heroin was completely removed from my life, I did it twice while I was in custody and never again out here...you'll have to stay tuned for my book to come out for more details on that section of my life. But here I am wondering how I would protect my light in the land of the dark since that whole safety issue was such a huge one for me. I went through many emotions today, most of which have to do with things I never went through from when I was in jail in 2008. Tonight we had leapnight Align with the Stars Workshop, it could not have been a better time or vibe for what I was going through. Kristyan started with taking about all the downloads he received in the jungle for about an hour, then we did a meditation led by Ms. Cory partnered with the opposite sex holding their heart chakra to heal eachother and the earth, then we did candlelit yoga, where Kristyan, Jaimy and I tagteam taught again and adjusted while Victor and Paul shared their master drumming skills as our beat to teach by, as the drumming got more and more quiet, Devon then filled the silence with the singing bowl which is tuned to the heart chakra as well, then when Kristyan woke everyone from savasana he told them to allow themselves to be rebirthed into their brand new Lightbody. It was an absolute stokefest, we even went 45 minutes longer than we had imagined for because it was cruising so well.
Day 18
After the session last night I was better able to calm myself as far as knowing that it was all going to be good, and all the safety in the world was in God and in my heart already. After God showed me who I needed to take me and drop me off to my 72hour sentence I was once again at peace when it was agreed upon and felt by both of us, this choice is a part of my journey where I may not go into as much detail because I wish to keep it in it's sacred place. I knew that I could not have had better company, love, positive vibes and guidance for what I was going to have to go through with. Now it is less than 48 hours that I have to turn myself in, I was told to be at Las Colinas by 9am on March 3rd. Now the most interesting part of all of this is last time I was worried about drugs and not being able to use while I was in there. This time, I decided I will be fasting and not using any of the poisonous hygiene products they distribute in there to the best of my ability. Have been stoking off on the superfood smoothies to help prepare my body even more although I am in the absolute best shape of my life and at the moment I have no doubt that I will go in there, do what I am meant to do and be out. I feel there is a much bigger purpose for me going in there, as I have already quit drinking and learned the lesson that was intended, I understand that I am not only going in for myself. Also in my session with Cory I was able to really see what I was meant to do in there and what will happen.
Day 19
Today is an extremely interesting one....I worked this morning, pulled in with Jim, aka Pops..the big boss of the studio and the gentle fatherlike figure that has trusted and supported me since he's met me. Cried on that one. Then I went home handled a couple of things, and then over to Jaimy and Victor's for a massage. Victor gave me an hour massage and I felt him as he described putting the muscles back into the right place of my body. I have found new spots in my body, bones that never appeared before, and space I didn't know existed. It's a whole new type of growth. During my massage I had huge releases and cried a lot, I got several visions and felt all the love and masculine energy work power Victor put into me to help me stay protected through these 72 hours. After the massage I went to my dad's, where my mom, dad, M.A.(dad's gf), my Grampy, and my Aunt Laura and Uncle Dean were gathered. My dad was making me stuffed raw portabello mushrooms to share with my friends after teaching the candlelit session at 7pm.
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| The Fajer getting down, he is not raw nor close to vegetarian yet invented these fantastic open faced portabello sandwiches for me for my last supper:) He also made a cold soup that was incredible! I would share the recipes with you but he doesn't go by recipes or ever remember how he makes anything cause it's just with his heart he cooks. |
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| final layer of sprouts yes pleasasssssse! |
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| Slinkers and I |
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| Last 11:11pm con BabyKrishna before turning myself in, also the last four of my Drivers License, 1111, also the date for when we went to COSTA RICAAAA, 111111 |
Day 20
Today is the Day. I didn't sleep very much last night, this morning I woke up ready to enema, meditate and download. I did 3 coffee enemas, the third was mostly water, I got extremely cleansed and as always have some sort of epiphany after removing so many toxins. What came to me was what I had to write for my friend that was taking me. I completed the last meditation with my mala for now, with I Love you Lord 108 times. I completed the writing for my friend that included the simple ways to use his senses and admire the things in which I would only feel through him and those closest to me that are going to remain out here while I go into the land of the dark.
Day 24
I got out yesterday morning at around 7:04am, whose counting(equals 11 in case u missed that)? What I went through in there and the ride home will remain sacred for now, but know that my journey in custody will be fully expressed in my book....The book was the reason I had to go back into the land of the dark. I know that to be true now and am grateful for the things I have seen and the ways I have grown. I met more of my angels in there and was able to eat some fruit instead of fasting the entire time as I had thought. I drank maybe a total of 1 quart of water in 72 hours, as I know what they add to the water and the effect on the inmates who are unaware. The most disheartening of the whole experience was the way I was treated by the deputies. I broke down yesterday, when I was finally free and able to be in the arms of my friend that picked me up, I absolutely lost it. I felt I was at my absolute most vulnerable and worst state, yet there I was being hugged, loved and offered cacao and kombucha the only things we both knew I wanted or needed. We went straight to the school where everyone was getting ready for our Tues Training of the Teachers. I was able to hug all my friends, lovers, fellow teachers, brothers, sisters or whatever you wish to label those who love me as. I first washed my feet, they were dirty and bloody from the shoes in there not fitting. I got to brush my teeth! The toothpaste in there was 22% Flouride and I am sure the water made up the other 78% and there was no way that was going into me, so I had been using apples, oranges and a little water to wash my mouth. It felt amazing, my friend Rory makes toothpaste and lotion if ever you are looking for a natural source, he is it, let me know if you need to place an order. Then Kristyan and I went to grab some raw tacos and cacao tart...ooooo and a shake! It was the best!!! Exactly what my body needed as my heart was still going thru it. When we got back to the studio I was going to write and decided to jump into the last part of the training instead. I went through some of the flow I had done while I was in jail, I shared some stories. My intention was for them all to know how much I love them and how much I realized what an honor it is to touch people especially with the gift I have been given in my hands. I also wanted to share some of the downloads I received in there, mostly was getting to the deepest part of my meditation, and that we are not to lose the breath at any point no matter what your surroundings are. One of the other huge downloads I wanted to share with my fellow teachers was LOTUS. While in jail I lifted my lotus for the first time ever and learned it's importance. I hope they felt my intentions and heard what I saw, because once again I knew I was not in there only for myself. After training I was able to hang out in the cave and relax. I don't know if you know what relaxation is, I don't know that I knew what relaxation was, but I do now. I then got to each the 5pm, it was so fun! After the 7pm I had enough left in me to take Kristyan's class, which was a given and something that I had been looking forward to for what seemed like years. The class was off the HOOK Greatness. I have no idea what we did or didn't do. All I know is I felt brand new. I felt like I was giving and doing the very best in every possible way in case it was the last, and I was open to soaking up all the knowledge and philosophy Guru dropped during the session. My heart is dancing.
Day 25
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| It's pretty rad to have an actual waistline....COCONUUUUTS! |
Day 26
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| And this is when I met my new boyfriend of 90 days, Liam. This is the alcohol detector bracelet that I was sentenced to wear for 90 days. Cory blessed it and I named him so that I can see the Light in the situation. Liam vibrates every 30 minutes as he takes a sample of my sweat, so I use that vibration to say a positive affirmation for myself and something healing for the earth, its quite powerful, you should try it ever 30 minutes at least and don't wait till you have to get one of these fancy anklets to remind you. |
The following is an unedited excerpt from my book. After I got home from Cory blessing my anklet Liam and helping her with the finishing paint touches in her room, I did an enema and this is what I wrote afterward and right before I left to teach the Friday night candlelit at 7pm:
3.9.12
Got my anklet today about 4 hours ago. I feel the entire point of me wearing this alcohol detecting bracelet was to meet Chris my case worker. He was wearing a black shirt and dark colored pants, his eyes were beautiful until he spoke he was a completely fear pumped robot. I noticed a tattoo on the back of his left bicep, so naturally the first thing I asked was what it meant. He said it was 6 symbols grouped in two. The first group meaning family, the second meaning faith and the third success. His beliefs: if you have family and faith you have success. He was explaining all the rules of my new friend, Liam, that will be attached to my physical being for the next 89 days. He said that it detects alcohol by a “pump drawing a sample” of my sweat every 30 minutes. I asked what kind of pump, and he repeated, a “pump draws a sample…” I said, how does it take the information from my skin I don’t understand. I explained to him that I don’t even sleep with my phone or my laptop, so I was a little freaked to have this electronic thing on me and wanted to understand. He had no response, just that I should be fine. I asked what else it was made of besides plastic, he smiled the kind of smile like he had no idea why I would care plastic was going to be attached to me for 89 more days. I explained that I don’t even drink out of plastic bottles and am working to remove plastic entirely from the rest of my existence here on earth. He said it’s plastic, gave that smile again and said, you should be fine. I said, you’re asking me to attach something to my body and you don’t even know what’s in it, and you’re only worried about alcohol? I am conscious of everything going in and on my body, not just alcohol….He said well this piece also has metal, surgical steel. I started tearing up, and I said, wow I don’t even wear metal anymore unless it has a deeper meaning for me because who or where it came from. At this point I started looking more out the window at the leaves than believing anything Chris told me. He said, “are you ok? Well maybe not ok looks like you have a lot of opinions but you should be fine.” I said, “it’s not opinions, these are my BELIEFS. He had no response, and then we started going over the hygiene. I said look, I use coconut oil, dr. bronners, lemons, and toothpaste my friend makes me. He said wow then you’re not going to have to change much. He said, “any perfume you wear be car…“ I said “I don’t wear perfume.” He said, “if you wear socks make sur…. “I said “I don’t even ever wear shoes 99% of the time.” He said Liam is water resistant but not waterproof( I had already made my heart ok with no ocean or soaking for 89 more days) Chris then said while washing in the shower, don’t spend any more than 15-20 seconds on the area and by no means put anything between your skin and the bracelet or else it will look like tampering and the police will be at your door to take you into custody. A few more of the same type if you do this which I don’t so then he said, you are by far the most interesting client I have ever had. I asked if he liked doing his job. He said that he liked people and that he had a degree in criminal justice so why not use it while he was trying to get more into the system to work with people and their probation. He asked how long I had been this natural way. I explained I quit drinking alcohol on October 1st when I got this DUI and it was an absolutely blessing, then in November I went to Costa Rica and my life changed even more, I was able to live without excess and see a true community that loved and helped each other whether it was stopping to change a tire with a neighbor, or a complete stranger wanting to honor me with a foot massage because I am a woman. He asked how long I was there, I said ten days and asked if he had ever been. He said no, and I said it’s a must that it completely changed the meaning of words like beautiful, tranquil and peace. We then got back to the bracelet. He explained if I were to travel out of state I had to let him know, I asked what about out of the country he said that’s not allowed, and neither is Hawaii…..I swallowed that one for a minute. We went over countless other rules and regulations, like that I have to be near the station at 3am every morning for it to download all the samples to send to him. I said so then this isn’t house arrest though? He said well it’s not a curfew you can pick whatever time you want….I said well I have to be home by that time so how is it not a curfew….You should be fine…So I initialed away as he “explained” some more things to me. He explained if I am to lose or keep the bracelet I can be charged with grand theft, hahaha I said no worries in no way do I plan on keeping Liam when I am done with him. Then it came time for him to place the anklet on me. I looked at it sitting on the desk and said “How crazy that humans made that for humans.” He then started to put gloves on before he put it on me, and must have seen my face because he started to say, it’s a necessary precaution. I said, a precaution for what? He said well you know some people have hepititas or hiv and if there is a cut or whatever it can transfer. And I said do you think I do, and he said no, and I said ok then a precaution for what? And he said well even in jail you know the deputies wear them. I said, yes I have been in jail, matter of fact just a few days ago, and before then for 3 and a half months in 2008, not all the deputies wear gloves. He said well I choose too, and I said ok that’s what I was asking it’s your choice. I asked if I could choose which ankle to put it on he said it goes on the inside of your right one unless you have a medical condition prohibiting it. I said well, I want to ask if I can put it on my left side my feminine side for giving, because my right side is for receiving and I don’t want to receive anything from it. He said that’s not a medical condition and as much as he doesn’t judge about ones beliefs he has to keep it secular in his office. I said wow that’s too bad you choose to keep it like that around you. He said well it’s my job and until I have another one that’s how I have to be. I said that sucks that you feel you have to act that way, whether it’s a job or not. He then kneeled down in front of me with his gloves on to attach Liam. It was interesting because of the positions we were in, normally this would be an honor to have a man kneel down in front of me and in my normal life he would be taking care with touching or massaging my feet not using gross gloves to touch another human being that is in no way a threat to him. So I get Liam off on June 6, 2012 at 1pm, until then he will be part of my light journey.
The 7pm class I got to teach was epic! I didn't even feel Liam, the vibration I was on was soo much Higher, God and the Universe completely spoke through me and the candles mixed with the asana, plus Guru came to class and brought a friend from Costa Rica, was all completely honored and humbled.
Day 27
Today is the 27th day, I am 27 years old plus deciding to start on the date that ended up adding to 27 pulls this whole thing together today. I got to sleep in today! Felt amazing!!! Went over to dad's house around 4 to celebrate M.A.'s bday and see some fam, he made some more magic mushrooms for me and my friends
Here are a couple pictures from Nosara, this was somewhere around 11/14/11 the first time I stood up in the ocean, check out my body, then followed by pictures in the same suit bottoms on 3/10/12! No photoshop kids, except for the Nosara ones, I cropped so you could mostly just see me.
I weighed in this morning at 174. I have no idea the last time I got to appreciate that weight. I know when I was using heroin I got tiny in the ugliest unhealthiest way, and now doing it the optimal way while enjoying the daily changes is a great experience. I love myself and the journey only continues to get better and better.
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You are an amazing creature that walks this earth. You inspire me and enroll me to create space for all possibilities in my life. Please know that you will forever be a friend to me and you make me warm watching your transformation in life. I love you Ash!
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